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Author Topic: Well I've Decided I Have Lymphoma Now  (Read 275 times)

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Offline lemonlimeskull

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Well I've Decided I Have Lymphoma Now
« on: December 16, 2013, 03:10:21 PM »
I've had what I was told was a swollen lymph node under my arm for like a month, that I know of at least. I fought it and didn't feel it yesterday and today now it feels like I have 2 swollen nodes. I was at the er about a week ago for a decent sized boil on my face and I'm on cephalexin for that. I had the er doc feel the node, and he said it wasn't cancer probably just swollen from deodorant. I didn't use deodorant for like maybe 5 days but then started using it again. I also have ringworm on my arm but I got over the counter stuff for that. Even though he literally said "its not cancer", when he felt it, I mean er docs are kinda rushed so what if he's wrong. I feel like I'm dying, I'm about ready to write a will that's how bad my anxiety is over this. I'm certain I have lymphoma at the moment, I am 26 years old and I am going to die. Now my muscles feel sore on the side with the node/s swollen, I have heart palpitations sometimes, my chest hurts and I feel like there is a knot in my throat. I felt there but I can't feel anything, I figure the cancer has spread all over my body though. I feel achy all over, I get headaches. Currently I can't go to the doctor because of problems with my Medicaid, I'm so afraid of being hospitalized because I am also agoraphobic. I can leave the house for short periods of time if I don't go very far but that's all and I panic when I have to stay away too long. The swollen nodes are on the opposite side of the boil and ring worm, which makes no sense so it must be cancer. I don't know what to do anymore, I don't want to leave my family and friends behind, there are still things I want to do in life. I just feel so scared and hopeless right now.
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I think I'm afraid of being happy because whenever I get too happy something bad always happens. ― Charles M. Schulz

Offline Gemmal

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Re: Well I've Decided I Have Lymphoma Now
« Reply #1 on: December 16, 2013, 05:56:43 PM »
Hi lemon lime skull so so sorry you are going through this ! I just wanted to let you know you are not alone I have suffered a fear of lymphoma for a shameful two years and I still believe I have it !!

For what it's worth, you have had a doctor look at it and physically touch your nodes I always doubt their judgement too but deep deep down I think I know exactly what their feeling and if it was worrying they wouldn't dismiss it !

lymphoma nodes grow huge and doctors know when something is up . perhaps you just have reactive nodes that are ready to fight anything and everything lol !

Sometimes I wish I could digest my own advice !!

Anyways I hope you are okay and can move on from the worrying , speak to your gp you really don't want to end up like me 23 months down the line still obsessed

:)
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Offline Gemmal

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Re: Well I've Decided I Have Lymphoma Now
« Reply #2 on: December 16, 2013, 05:59:24 PM »
Also the aches and pains are definitely anxiety related I get this frequently !
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Offline lemonlimeskull

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Re: Well I've Decided I Have Lymphoma Now
« Reply #3 on: December 16, 2013, 06:43:19 PM »
Thank you, I'm glad I'm not alone at least.  The er doc was skeptical the node was even swollen because you can't see it, he felt it though and said it wasn't cancer. Good news, I did get my Medicaid card but honestly and afraid to go to the doctor.
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I think I'm afraid of being happy because whenever I get too happy something bad always happens. ― Charles M. Schulz

Offline Pichooi

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Re: Well I've Decided I Have Lymphoma Now
« Reply #4 on: December 16, 2013, 07:06:36 PM »
You'll be fine. The doctors in ER would know what cancer feels like so trust their opinion. Strangly enough though of all the cancers Lymphoma has one of the best survival rates so even if you were to have it (which you most certainly don't) you most likely wouldn't need to start writing that will.
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Offline lemonlimeskull

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Re: Well I've Decided I Have Lymphoma Now
« Reply #5 on: December 16, 2013, 10:25:12 PM »
Thank you for the support. I'm feeling some better for now thanks to everyone.
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I think I'm afraid of being happy because whenever I get too happy something bad always happens. ― Charles M. Schulz

Tags: lymphoma cancer panic 
 

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