I have seen a lot of similar posts here on this topic. What I am hoping to find out is how people after years of being single actually entered relationships that were healthy and happy.
So heres my deal. I am almost 25 now and have never had a "real" boyfriend. I have had intimate relationships with men, but usually only when under the influence of alcohol. In fact, in the last three years since I exited the drinking scene (bc I was diagnosed with anxiety and BP) I have not so much as flirted with anyone. It is my deepest desire to find my soul mate and have a family. I never imagined I would would be 25 and single, but the years come and go and I am ready to be proactive about it.
So, in social situations, especially with men, its like I become mentally paralyzed. All I can focus on when in a conversation with someone new or that I am interested in is the current discomfort I am having and the anxiety of not knowing what to say. Mostly I fear that anything I do say will be stupid... yet theres nothing in my head to say anyway! Its awkward and I feel like I am giving off a totally wrong representation of myself. I feel like there is some nonverbal sign I am giving off to men that conveys I am not girlfriend material. My self esteem plummets and only makes matters worse.
I have no idea how to step out of this mindset and actually be myself. I think there are several things I can bring to the table in a relationship, and in general Im not unpleasant to be around for the people Im close to, but I just can't figure out how to overcome the paralysis and convey myself properly. Has anyone had this type of experience? Has anyone overcome it and how??? I would really appreciate some help, thank you!