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Author Topic: Talk me down - having a very bad month  (Read 154 times)

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Offline thecrazylady

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Talk me down - having a very bad month
« on: December 16, 2013, 01:09:38 PM »
Hello fellow anxiety sufferers,

I've been having a very, very bad month. My lung cancer fears are off the charts- so much so, I think I need to see a psych doctor or get hospitalized for psychiatric issues. 

I'm 34 years old and I've smoked on and off since high school.  I don't know why it's such a big struggle to stay completely quit.  I suppose I suffer from tremendous guilt over smoking.  I have never smoked a pack a day and mostly I've smoked socially.  Currently I'm on the wagon for 7 months. 

I've been having shoulder pain for a few years, probably some kind of damage like rotator cuff or impinged nerve.  The doc says it clicks and prescribed some exercises.  Still, I feared it was lung cancer.  After researching all the symptoms of LC, I learned that back pain was also a hallmark symptom.  Soon after I learned that, my back started hurting so much, like I was being stabbed.  Then I developed a cough and SOB.  I was sure this was it.

I went to a Pulmonologist who did a lung function test which came out normal.

I went to the ER to get an X-ray and a CT scan -- all clear.  Blood oxygen is 100% and all my blood work is great.  I should be reassured.  But I'm not!  I woke up this morning with weird eyesight, back pain is better but still there and a worsening cough.  I realize that all the stress I've been under probably will make me sick.  I'm so terrified!

I've been through this in the past with other diseases. When I was younger, I was convinced I had HIV.  I convinced myself I had tonsil cancer.  I'm now wondering if I'm actually hallucinating all these symptoms.  I'm really unable to live my life anymore because of this anxiety. 

Thanks for reading!

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Offline littlerabbit

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Re: Talk me down - having a very bad month
« Reply #1 on: December 17, 2013, 04:51:17 PM »
Hi there,
Being a fellow HA sufferer I know it's not easy to just "try not to worry" but I"m here to say, try not worry! It's the holidays and strangely enough I tend to get flare ups around this time too. Maybe it's the stress. One of the best reassurances i can offer is this....the classic thing about our illness is that we switch to different things. I too was convinced i had HIV, Hep C, cancer and all kinds of horrible things. Iw ill be so scared that I worry myself sick and feel like I'm going crazy until I get over it somehow. Then I usually move on to another illness. It's an awful cycle! I'm a 33 yr old female so very close in age to you and I too smoked in college for a couple of years. I quite back in 2003. I found your post because I felt myself slipping into lung cancer fears but after reading your post I think it's best that we both put our fears to rest. Feel reassured by your good results at the hospital and try to quit! It's not easy but it will be worth it :)
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Offline thecrazylady

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Re: Talk me down - having a very bad month
« Reply #2 on: December 17, 2013, 10:28:25 PM »
Thanks little rabbit!  I'm feeling a little better today. No more cough, back pain getting better.  I'm about to go out with some friends and try to forget about my HA.  I hope you have a wonderful holidays (and everyone else here too!).
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Offline burgundyplace

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Re: Talk me down - having a very bad month
« Reply #3 on: December 18, 2013, 12:53:03 AM »
Hi thecrazylady,

I am not really an expert on your fears but I just want to let you know that you are definitely not alone. I am also having the worst HA episode yet because a lot of people have been telling me that I am losing weight even though I know very much that I am not even trying so hard.

It's such a difficult thing to have HA. I am happy that you had tests done already and everything came out fine. That should be reassuring enough in my opinion.

On the smoking thing, I am sure it is difficult. My father used to be a heavy smoker as well and he had to get professional help to make him quit because of health reasons.
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