You can call me glavey. I'm a 24 year old male living in the US. I have had anxiety for... at least 14 years and depression for around the same amount of time. I have come to this forum to hopefully find some people I can talk to about my problems and help me through the tough times.
A little about me/backstory:
I was always the quiet kid in class; the one who just did his work, turned it in, and stared at the floor or the wall until I was given something else to do. I always dreaded working with others. Having to talk to someone else, turn my thoughts into coherent and understandable words and sentences, and listen to their invariably different and often opposing opinion... gut wrenching. However through all that, I managed to get A's and B's up through half of sixth grade.
Then my parents got divorced. I went to live with my mother in another state while my father stayed in another. At the new school in the new town my grades were abysmal. D's and E's (or F's if that's what your school gave). I was still the quiet kid, but now I was also being picked on. Life just kept getting worse. At this school, going to the local YMCA and taking swimming classes was mandatory. Worse yet, I didn't know how to swim and the instructor was incredibly mean. I remember he/she once ordered the entire class to tread water for 10 minutes as punishment for something one kid did. Add to that the fact that I am quite self-conscious about my body and I was (and still am) extremely hairy for my age. Think robin williams-grade body hair. I could even grow a beard at 14. Anyway, I did anything I could do to get out of taking swimming and/or gym including "forgetting" my swimming trunks or gym clothes at home.
Things didn't change much through the rest of 6th or 7th grade. At 8th grade I started to go to a doctor and eventually a psychologist/psychiatrist about my anxiety and depression. The first prescription I was given was lexapro. I'm not sure of the doasge, but I found out the next day that it was about 4x what is normally prescribes to someone of my size/weight. I has slept for 20 hours. That sucked. Next up was zoloft, logic being that since my mother took it and it worked for her, there might be a chance it would work for me. Nope, no effect. Next was depakote. I can't remember if this was for anxiety, depression, or my migraines (oh yeah, I get terrible migraines about once a week), but either way, it has no effect except for being, strangely, the best smelling pill I had ever smelled
. Then came Paxil. This worked a bit on my depression, but not at all on my anxiety. For that, I was given klonopin wafers which, again, only helped a little and wouldn't really be usable when and where I needed them, school. Any prescription or otc medication I needed was kept in the schools office and I was only allowed to go there if i was excused from class by a teacher. I kept taking the paxil for about 6 years before stopping because... lets just say I found out in a very embarrassing way that paxil absolutely killed my sex drive. That and I didn't like being "tethered" to a pill and having to worry about going through withdrawals if I ever forgot to get a refill. Of course when you stop taking a med, you have to go through withdrawals, which literally nearly killed me (more on that later, maybe).
That brings me roughly to now, where I am back living with my mother after being terminated from a job for excessive absences (from problems with, would you believe it, medication, but they wouldn't hear that). My mother's last job slowly started to pay less and less, giving fewer hours per week, until it wasn't enough to cover the gas to go to the office. Since then we have been living off of her very small savings, hoping one of us will snag a job. She just got an interview scheduled today and I have to respond to an interview request, but I found out that the job for which I applied, automotive technician at a dealership, requires you to have your own set of tools; impossible for me, since I have all of $2 to my name. If neither of these works out, we are likely to be homeless in a few months.
Wow that was a lot to type. I hope it doesn't look to much like a wall-of-text; I tried to separate it into paragraphs as best I could. I also left out a few things because my ADHD started to kick in (oh yeah, I have ADHD too, undiagnosed though. See how I left things out?). Anyway thanks for reading my little rant. I'll add to it later when my mind can focus again.