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Author Topic: So Stuck  (Read 289 times)

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Offline JayB4231981

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So Stuck
« on: December 11, 2013, 06:29:10 AM »
Hey all,

Ive been a sufferer of depression since I was about 11/12 and im 32 now. Ive had a hard life with not many friends and feeling outcasted due to being overweight. Never got invited to the parties or got a ton of girls...was in special ed in school and that diminished my self confidence and just made me a angry/depressed person. Been on depression meds as long as I can remember prob up to 10 different ones and none have ever felt they've done one ounce of work on me including the lexapro im on now for depression/anxiety. Ive had numerous bad outings with women some friends some gf's and a few family deaths the past couple years that have scarred me. Even my chain smoking doesent help "yeah bad for you I know" I have severe depression/anxiety as well as diabetes and a very troubled mind as even when I sleep I cant be at peace due to nightmares. Just had a recent bad break up thats poured salt on my wounds...I cant stop balling in tears whether it be me missing my dogs who have passed or my ex or a friend who recently betrayed me, plus im alone and with the cold and getting dark early it's been worse on me. I just feel stuck and sometimes sleep to kill time and so I dont gotta be awake to remember how things are. Thanks for any input.
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Offline Zeus088

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Re: So Stuck
« Reply #1 on: December 13, 2013, 08:29:05 PM »
I feel similar, would like to hear from others who may suffer from the same feelings. Any advice would be much appreciated. Thank You!
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Offline DaphneNL

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Re: So Stuck
« Reply #2 on: December 14, 2013, 05:29:31 PM »
God how I know how you feel. I haven't had a bad year this year, and still I wake up every single morning depressed, not seeing any reason to get out of bed. Thank God I have my horses and my dogs so I HAVE to get out. And through the day I start feeling better most of the time and I feel more positive. I had some bad years before and the wintertime felt like pure hell in those years. But I'm still here and so are you. That's something to keep in mind. I don't know when your dog died, and if you're still mourning the loss of your pet ignore the next few lines. Is it an idea to adopt a new dog? To give you some "reason for getting up" and some love in your home? Walking the dog is also good for your health. Just a thought....
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Offline chris1234

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Re: So Stuck
« Reply #3 on: December 19, 2013, 12:55:23 AM »
I don't even have depression I have anxiety I didn't know they even had a clinical depression board on here but I was just scanning through and I read this and it reminded me of my uncle... After 20 years of depression abuse ... Loss ... The guy finally found his balance in life and I think that's what u need man, u need to find something that interests u that u can pursue, something that doesn't require friends, or girls, for my uncle it was something so simple as a job ... He loved computers so I motivated him to get a job working on computers ... Ever since then it's like day and night the happiest guy in the world ... He made friends at his job that he hangs with , he met a girlfriend of his now online during this time, and he's happy again after 20 years of depression and 2 failed sucicide attempts later ... God put you hear for a reason, now it's just ur responsibility to go out and figure why your hear and make a purpose for yourself ... Take it easy man
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Offline howifeel

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Re: So Stuck
« Reply #4 on: December 19, 2013, 02:12:13 PM »
jay,

Thanks for your post. Not many males are even able to be as up front as you about how they are doing. Keep sharing, we want to hear how you are doing!

Some major things are going on with you in my opinion. I suffer with treatment refractory (technical term for nothing helps) Clinical Depression. I have taken all of the AD out there. Antipsychotics, bipolar meds, sleeping pills, anti anxiety pill. Saint Johns Wort, Sam E etc. I see people engaged in a relaxed conversation, until I walk up. Then it seems to turn superficial. I have never felt a part of. I dropped out of HS at sophomore year as I didn't handle it well. 5150 DTS a few times, and mainly a danger to self, not others. I would rather have my legs cut off than deal with depression/anxiety. I have diabetes, thyroid disease, and am on an insulin pump.

Why say all this? Because I want to describe to you that I am very ill. Mentally and physically. Nevertheless, I am giving my diseases top priority. Relationships are not important to me. I feel that females can be more work than they are worth (sorry). I am not gay, however. I never thought that I could feel better. I cannot tell you how I started getting better, other than adding to my medications, other things such as peer support. I remain unattractive, in a declining marriage, but I am feeling better and better. I simply accepted that I am, in fact, different, and ill. Not very attractive, nor a great deal of fun. I am, however, engaged in a peer support group that listens and cares about me, face to face. Along with my current AD, that seems to have been a missing link. I actually feel like I fit in with my fellow sufferers (we are all ugly, bummer!). Mornings are the worst. I get up, brush my teeth, go back to bed. Get up, shower, go back to bed etc. Hard to get motivated, and hard to believe things can get better, but I am getting better somehow. DBT, CBT therapy did not really do the trick, neither did diet and exercise. It was like putting anbisol on an abscessed tooth. Short burst of relief followed by hours upon hours of nagging pain.

More to say, but hope you are doing okay. You are in my thoughts.
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I do things to feel better, I don't wait to feel better to do things.

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