Chat Now!   Member Gallery   Anxiety Zone Wire   Games   Social Groups   AZ Member Blogs   Health News  Bored?

Author Topic: scared about my growth behind my optic nerve  (Read 418 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline hasenfuss22

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 54
  • Country: us
  • Rec's: 0
  • Gender: Female
  • Personal text
    • Poke This Member
scared about my growth behind my optic nerve
« on: December 10, 2013, 11:13:42 PM »
I posted before but will start a new threat because people might start ignoring my last one.
I just went to the eye doctor because my vision is bad in the left eye. They send me to an MRI were they first just saw some liquid behind my eye. They first missdiagnosed me with pseudo tumor ( not a real tumor). A neurologist looked at the MRI again and  said that I don't have the typical symphtoms for pseudo tumor. Than another doctor looked at the MRI pictures again and saw a little growth. Was send again to an MRI ( and this time with contrast). This is a nightmare for somebody with health anxiety. I am living in hell right now. I have severe cancer phobia but the doctor said it doesn't have characteristics like cancer. 

This is the e-mail I got today :

"The MRI confirmed that there is a growth. The appearance with contrast is still most consistent with a benign growth rather than cancer.  I heard from the ophtalmologist ( I went for a vision field test) that there is some vision loss on the testing.She is going to contact you to  go over the result. At this point I am referring you to be seen at Redwood city by the neurosurgeons there to get an opinion about the best way to treat this. I don't know if they will suggest surgery or some other non surgical option but they are the experts in this area. "

When I talked with him on the phone first he was more concerned about vision than cancer. I brought up the cancer.
Should I not worry about cancer ??
I am scared they can't operate because it's too dangerous or this thing will take over my brain and destroy everything .
My one eye is fine. What about it takes over to the other eye. All these thought go through my head.
Is it any wonder that I have health anxiety. I also have a heart deffect and need surgery for this too in the future.
I wonder how much my body can handle or will I die soon ?
I look healthy from the outside.People tell me you are pretty, nice body look so healthy, works out a lot. People are surprised when I tell them I have too major things going on. On top they tell me don't worry about it.
I am solo scared. What do you guys think after readin the e-mail from the doctor ?
Bookmark and Share
extreme fear of cancer

Offline michelle360

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 281
  • Rec's: 5
  • Personal text
    • Poke This Member
Re: scared about my growth behind my optic nerve
« Reply #1 on: December 10, 2013, 11:53:31 PM »
Well, a small benign growth on your optic nerve is not going to "take over your brain and destroy everything". That would be akin to someone saying a pimple on their nose is going to make their face fall off. I think you should listen to your doctors and do what they say. He has told you several times over this is not cancer. You need to accept this and feel good about being healthy besides this current issue. You are caught in the HA reassurance loop. What have you done to address your anxiety? You need to start there if you want to to start to reclaim your life.
Bookmark and Share

Offline hasenfuss22

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 54
  • Country: us
  • Rec's: 0
  • Gender: Female
  • Personal text
    • Poke This Member
Re: scared about my growth behind my optic nerve
« Reply #2 on: December 11, 2013, 12:37:41 AM »
The weired thing on the MRI is all the liquid which is pushing on the nerve. Seems like the watery stuff is bigger than the growth. They didn't even see the growh at first. I wish I could ask all these questions my doctor but he is hard to reach. What is the watery stuff around the eye ? Inflammation from the growth ? Soo strange. Do you know ?
Bookmark and Share
extreme fear of cancer

Offline greend

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 813
  • Country: ca
  • Rec's: 7
  • Gender: Female
  • Mood: Worried
    Worried
  • Personal text
    • Poke This Member
Re: scared about my growth behind my optic nerve
« Reply #3 on: December 11, 2013, 10:53:12 AM »
In your last thread I stated that a good friend of mine just went through all of this.  She was losing vision in one eye and had to have an MRI.  From the MRI they could tell it was benign and not cancer.  She still had to have it removed as it was slowly destroying her vision.  The operation was a year and a half ago.  She woke up from the operation with her vision totally restored and healed quickly.  Her story had a very happy ending.  These growths are almost always benign.  So as Michele has said talk to your doctors and do what they say.  You will be OK.
Bookmark and Share

Offline hasenfuss22

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 54
  • Country: us
  • Rec's: 0
  • Gender: Female
  • Personal text
    • Poke This Member
Re: scared about my growth behind my optic nerve
« Reply #4 on: December 11, 2013, 12:05:40 PM »
Thanks for your supportive words. I hope my outcome will be the same as your friends. Can you tell me how long she stayed in the hospital and long her recovery was ? I know all these questions will be answered by the doctors soon but I won't see them for at least a week or more. My Neurologist doesn't have an answere to this right now since he is refering me to the neuroseargents. Was she awake during the surgery or do they put her out completely ?
Bookmark and Share
extreme fear of cancer

Offline hasenfuss22

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 54
  • Country: us
  • Rec's: 0
  • Gender: Female
  • Personal text
    • Poke This Member
Re: scared about my growth behind my optic nerve
« Reply #5 on: December 11, 2013, 08:54:58 PM »
I got a call to see the neurosurgeon tomorrow. He wants to do a CT scan first before the consultation. I am freaking out. Is this standard procedure or does he look for cancer. Please respond. I am soooo scared.
Bookmark and Share
extreme fear of cancer

Offline michelle360

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 281
  • Rec's: 5
  • Personal text
    • Poke This Member
Re: scared about my growth behind my optic nerve
« Reply #6 on: December 11, 2013, 11:36:46 PM »
He is a surgeon. He wants to do another scan to get a better look at the structure and the surrounding tissue to help guide the procedure. You are obsessing over cancer for no reason whatsoever. You really, really need to start addressing your anxiety and you can do that without spending a dime right now. I know surgery is scary but honestly you are making things way worse on yourself by not listening to anyone other than the voice in your head whispering cancer. You do NOT have cancer.
Bookmark and Share

Offline hasenfuss22

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 54
  • Country: us
  • Rec's: 0
  • Gender: Female
  • Personal text
    • Poke This Member
Re: scared about my growth behind my optic nerve
« Reply #7 on: December 12, 2013, 12:57:34 AM »
I know my phobias are very specific when it comes to health anxiety. I have major cancer phobie. I have a heart defect and need major open heart surgery in the future. Strangly I never think about it much. When the time comes I will be scared of course. Heart stuff will kill you instantly most of the time were cancer is long time sufferint. Even when cancer goes away it could come back. That's why I am so scared of cancer. I am really not that worried about most other diseases.
The doctor told me in reality you have to make a biopsy to see if it's cancer or not. So it's not really 100% sure that I don;t have it. I hate uncertainty. I wish he could tell me 95 % but he can't put a number on it ( he said).
Bookmark and Share
extreme fear of cancer

Offline michelle360

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 281
  • Rec's: 5
  • Personal text
    • Poke This Member
Re: scared about my growth behind my optic nerve
« Reply #8 on: December 12, 2013, 09:39:14 PM »
I can understand your particular fear. And you are going through a stressful time right now. Have you ever received any kind of treatment for your fear? Any at all? What have you done to address your anxiety? You must realize on some level that your fear of cancer is pretty unwarranted in this situation? Do you think your life would be better if you could somehow get over this fear?
Bookmark and Share

Offline hasenfuss22

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 54
  • Country: us
  • Rec's: 0
  • Gender: Female
  • Personal text
    • Poke This Member
Re: scared about my growth behind my optic nerve
« Reply #9 on: December 12, 2013, 11:28:13 PM »
It was quiet a day at the neurosurgent today. He said he can't take all of the tumor out because of some blood vessels. The vision in my left eye is permanently lost by 50 %. He thinks that I might loose vision in this eye completley over time. I can do radiation but will over time still loose the vision. I hope I understood this right. Sugery can preserve the vision I have right now but it can't be restored. There is no guaranty that it will be preserved or that I will never go blind anyway in this eye but it's a pretty good chance than it will be preserved the way it is. After that I also need radiation.
Is radioton bad ? Any bad side effects? He couldn't talk with me about that. He also talked about all the risks of surgery including strocke, infections,the risk that something can be damaged in the brain from surgery like memory, speech.
I asked him what he would do and he said he would decide to go with the surgery but it's my personal decision.
I decided to go with the surgery. What do you guys think ?
Also, he doesn't think it's cancer but since they go in there anyway, they will take a biopsy. He said don't worry about cancer. I hope he is right. My surgery is next Tuesday. 6 hours long, 4 days in the hospital and 6 week out from work.
Well, there you have it, even people with health anxiety get sick. And than in about 5 years I will also have open heart surgery. I just hope everything will go fine and I don't come out worse than I got in.
I hope I also don't scare to many people on this board with my brain tumor. It's actually called a brain tumor. I thought it's more like an eye thing. I can live with the vision I have right now and I hope it will be preserved. 1 good eye and one 50% eye.
If I do loose vision in this one eye can I drive a car in California ? It's just too bad that this year my license expires.
What about one eye and 50% vision ? Lot's of stuff depends on me driving a car.
Bookmark and Share
extreme fear of cancer

Offline hasenfuss22

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 54
  • Country: us
  • Rec's: 0
  • Gender: Female
  • Personal text
    • Poke This Member
Re: scared about my growth behind my optic nerve
« Reply #10 on: December 13, 2013, 08:55:12 PM »
I still can't believe I have a brain tumor. I have health anxiety and the bad stuff is Actually happening to me. If I survive this I also have to endure heart surgery. I look like a fit slim good looking woman ( that's what people say) but my insides are all falling apart. Now I am thinking about the if's again. It's 98% not cancer ( doctor said). I already have such bad luck with my health and I might be the 2 % with cancer. He thinks that I have a menigioma but there is another one and I forgot the name which is faster growing and this is bad of course. I will have radiation treatment too. What about this doesn't help. What about the tumor is taking over my brain. Killing my memory, speech....everything.
I just don't know how to deal with this.
Bookmark and Share
extreme fear of cancer

Offline greend

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 813
  • Country: ca
  • Rec's: 7
  • Gender: Female
  • Mood: Worried
    Worried
  • Personal text
    • Poke This Member
Re: scared about my growth behind my optic nerve
« Reply #11 on: December 14, 2013, 09:45:50 AM »
Hassenbuss, my friend who had the same operation you will have was told that her vision probably wouldn't be restored, but as soon as they took out the tumour her vision was perfect.  This operation was exactly 2 years ago and she couldn't be better.  Hers was benign as well, like almost all of them are.  Have faith you will be OK, because the odds of being alright are in your favour. 

Wishing you well and let us know how everything goes.
Bookmark and Share

Offline dani_leigh

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 13
  • Rec's: 0
  • Gender: Female
  • Personal text
    • Poke This Member
Re: scared about my growth behind my optic nerve
« Reply #12 on: December 14, 2013, 12:20:33 PM »
I am so sorry you're going through this. I can't imagine how scared you are. I'm praying you.


I hope you have someone that you can talk to. If not, I hope you'll find the support you're looking for on here.p



Blessings,
Dani
Bookmark and Share

Offline hasenfuss22

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 54
  • Country: us
  • Rec's: 0
  • Gender: Female
  • Personal text
    • Poke This Member
Re: scared about my growth behind my optic nerve
« Reply #13 on: December 14, 2013, 09:31:29 PM »
We'll they can only take a little bit out because it's not possible were it's located. He hopes to relieve some pressure but can't restore the previous vision. Damage is done already. His goal is to preserve the Vision I have right now. After that I will get radiation for tumor controll.
I am so scared. Does this sound bad ??!
Bookmark and Share
extreme fear of cancer

Tags:
 

Related Topics

  Subject / Started by Replies Last post
16 Replies
12975 Views
Last post January 05, 2013, 09:44:03 AM
by ClassicNerd
3 Replies
11765 Views
Last post November 17, 2010, 08:55:02 AM
by marc
7 Replies
989 Views
Last post March 21, 2012, 06:42:43 PM
by ClassicNerd
49 Replies
2257 Views
Last post September 26, 2013, 09:38:34 PM
by michelle360
3 Replies
330 Views
Last post November 19, 2013, 08:59:12 AM
by believe27
27 Replies
917 Views
Last post December 22, 2013, 12:19:32 PM
by greend

anything