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Author Topic: Will people ever accept me?  (Read 263 times)

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Offline Wolfboxer

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Will people ever accept me?
« on: December 09, 2013, 06:59:54 PM »
I''m running out of ideas to help myself think positive that people out there till care for me and I will make friends. I'm so lost in this. I had a big therapist appointment ever in my whole life and found out I may have Bi polar. I feel like a freak or weird about it. Will people know like me for it. Yes I will get new medication therapy all that. But really some people I met on here my treat me different I fear or not want to get to know me at all now. I'm not sure why I feel like that I just do. Still going over discussion with my therapist and medication doctor about it. So its a high possibility I do have it but All my systems and moods and over the years really match it.

I see my therapist Thus and prob ever thus for a while. Where I live I have tired for groups and stuff to go hang out and meet people but really to be honest not a lot of nice or accepting people much. Or if they do want to hang with me get bored. I'm not trying to judge just letting you know since living here 13 years in KS I tried everything I can. I guess writing this here is I need advice how to cope with his. Past 4 days I been a mess and trying to be happy like to all while inside and when alone I'm crying. People on chat say I'm so nice and cool and I should not be hard on myself. I just don't see myself in a positive light.  There things I can do and can't and some might take time which people around my age prob judge or not really bother with me. I am learning but at the same time.. I get let down a lot. I just want some people to accept me or at least try. Give me a chance. I have never had one good friend or friends my whole life. Always thought they were good but turned out not.

I want a better social life but I don't want to change who I am or likes. I want friends and maybe omg someday find a boyfriend..you know? All these experiences I never had at all or long enough. I want someone to stay with me. Not and I'm not desperate in wanting love I just means sometime down the road. Just one person I like to be there for me even if its not a lot. My 25th birthday coming up and I want to have a parity but have no friends. I never liked them since my 13th when people I invited never showed up or made a lame excuse not to come. After that I never had one. guess I just want things to go good end of this month and my birthday. I am trying 100% really I am just wish I had peer support too. =/

Thanks for anyone who reads this.
ps. the bi polar is not the sever one by the way if I have it.
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Offline lula2899

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Re: Will people ever accept me?
« Reply #1 on: December 09, 2013, 08:10:10 PM »
All I can say right now is that I know exactly how you feel when it comes to having days when you feel hopeless. When you look back and can't look forward with positivity. I am here if you need to talk, in chat, PM, etc. Just try and take it one day at a time. It's a platitude, but it's all we can do. Maybe even just take it one hour at a time. We can do that. Let me know when you need to talk.
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Offline Kyky89

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Re: Will people ever accept me?
« Reply #2 on: December 16, 2013, 12:35:33 PM »
Wow, I can totally relate to so many things in your post! First of all, I was diagnosed with bipolar II three years ago. Here are a few things I wish someone would have told me back then... Medication will NOT be enough in itself to manage your symptoms, there is no magic pill that will turn your whole life around. This mindset set me back years in my recovery. Individual therapy is a good thing, but I would highly suggest you try group therapy as well. This was key for me in learning to accept the fact that I have this disorder! I cannot tell you how beneficial it is to speak with people who know exactly how you feel, and who have so many of the same symptoms and experiences as you do.

When I was first diagnosed I was filled with so much shame and embarrassment. It was extremely painful and lonely. I didn't want people to think I was crazy. I didn't want to accept that I am different from "normal" people and spent a lot of time in denial. I only started truly making improvements when my mother forced me to start a intensive outpatient program for people with mood disorders and anxiety. Here I connected with all kinds of people with the same exact issues as I had. I have done a few different types of group therapies as well as individual. It is just a matter of being persistent in finding out what works for you!

What I can say for myself now is that I am at peace with having BP. I have a great support system and slowly opened up to more and more people who are close to me and that I trust (like family members especially.) You would be surprised at how good this actually feels eventually, even if the initial reaction of some aren't what you had expected. I still greatly fear the stigma that is attached to mental disorders, but it seems to be less important to me now having been educated about my condition. This is very important for you (and your support network) as well. With the proper combination of medication and skills learned in therapy I have been able to manage my depression and negative self thoughts so that they don't keep me from living a meaningful life.

So, the really sucky part is that it takes time! Shorter for some, longer for others. For me its taken three years but I feel better today than I have ever felt in my whole life. The wait sucked royally, but I am glad that I didn't give up. I am almost 25 as well, and really really want to find a romantic relationship with someone (which I have also never had) but anxiety seems to be a huge roadblock. I can't give you any advice on this topic but hope to make steps forward here as well. No matter what, don't give up on yourself. Your life can improve but you just have to do what it takes. Self esteem is so hard to come by but for me all I can hold on to is the determination to do whatever it takes to feel better and get the life I want, even if it causes real discomfort. I still have a long way to go, but even where I am at now is so much better than the place I was at then! I am new to this website but if you can find a way to message me I would be more than happy to talk some more with you, even if you don't end up having BP.
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