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Author Topic: Holding back tears at work  (Read 233 times)

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Offline Cmack23

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Holding back tears at work
« on: December 05, 2013, 02:06:27 PM »
Today was a really bad day for me. I was very on edge, jumping even if I made eye contact with someone. Although this is pretty normal of my anxiety to provoke these reactions. Anyway, today was particularly bad; I felt sick, physically, my legs were like jelly all day and worst of all I had extremelly bad depersonalization- I really did not feel with it. At least I think this is what DP is (Anyone care to clear this up?).

I don't know what to do. I have really bad social anxiety and my CBT's not really helping either, only marginly.  My head feels so clouded nad I cannot concentrate on anything. I'm seriously worried for my job here. It's so frustrating as I feel anxiety will rob me of a proper life. I am well educated witha 2:1 Ba (Honours) degree in Business for goodness sake! All of this is going to waste and I'm not getting any younger at 23. Why did God do this to me? I'm seriously depressed, on the verge of tears 24/7, and what's worse is that none of my family understand.

I'm currently taking Nardil for a-typical depression, mainly from my anxiety, although this med does combat anxiety too, alas I am yet to see that...
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Offline DaphneNL

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Re: Holding back tears at work
« Reply #1 on: December 05, 2013, 03:42:38 PM »
This really sounds like anxiety. Why are you so hard on yourself? I don't believe in God myself, but if he excists I'm not sure he would "do this to you". This is your battle. Don't expect him to give or take this from you. Do you have anyone to talk to about your fears? I totally understand that you feel like you're waisting your education by being anxious all the time, but that also puts a lot of pressure on your shoulders. Your life wont end if you take a minute and take care of yourself. Sounds like you're a smart guy, so I'm sure you're gonna get through this.
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Offline Cmack23

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Re: Holding back tears at work
« Reply #2 on: December 05, 2013, 04:09:25 PM »
This really sounds like anxiety. Why are you so hard on yourself? I don't believe in God myself, but if he excists I'm not sure he would "do this to you". This is your battle. Don't expect him to give or take this from you. Do you have anyone to talk to about your fears? I totally understand that you feel like you're waisting your education by being anxious all the time, but that also puts a lot of pressure on your shoulders. Your life wont end if you take a minute and take care of yourself. Sounds like you're a smart guy, so I'm sure you're gonna get through this.

Thanks for the very kind words, Daphne.

 I've always been hard on myself; I'm not sure why, that's just me. I think though, that part of it comes from not wanting to let my family and others down who expect things from me. I constantly find myself imagining what my life would be without this. I'm so shy around the opposite sex that I've never even had a relationship and I blame my anxiety for this. Phenibut  was the only thing that relived me, although tolerance developed and It's not been the same since. Now I feel totally out of it, spacey, detached, far from reality. I wish this would end. I'm so jelous of those anxiety free people at work, who seem socially comfortable and relaxed and seem to get on with their job effortlessly. In contrast, my sense of detachment really impairs my thinking ability and I feel half the man I once was. Why must we get DP with anxiety?
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Offline DaphneNL

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Re: Holding back tears at work
« Reply #3 on: December 05, 2013, 04:45:02 PM »
People who are hard on themselves are more likely to experience anxiety. Because we get scared when we can't control things and blame ourselves for everything that happens. I've been suffering from anxiety since I was 7 (my baby brother died back then) and severe depression since I was 15. I understand that you're jealous, but you should never conclude that you're colleagues have an easy life just by how they act on the work floor.
I've worked several years with the same group of people. If you would ask them to describe me they would tell you I'm an outgoing, funny, charming person caring a lot about others.  They don't know I was on Zoloft all those years and had to take oxazepam (sort of xanax) when we had a social event. I once told one of my co-workers about depression and anxiety running in my family. His response "well, I'm glad you didn't inherit any of it".  :angel-smiley-006:
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