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Author Topic: worried about the growth behind my optic nerve ( need another MRI)  (Read 923 times)

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Offline reece

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Re: worried about the growth behind my optic nerve ( need another MRI)
« Reply #15 on: December 06, 2013, 07:21:41 AM »
hi
i'm so sorry you are going through this. the first thing to remember is that it is NORMAL to be nervous in this situation. I think that most people would be.  However, the part that we have to remember is that we take it to a whole other level. You must try not to do that, you must try to do what a person without HA would do in this situation.   So, you have to take a deep breath and try not to panic. Do not let this take over your every minute. Sure, it's going to be on your mind, but try to tell yourself that you are having tests done, and you will know then. in the meantime, you cannot change it. It is what it is.  worrying or not worrying will not change the results.  worrying or not worrying WILL affect your days until then though.  (this is the type of thing i'm trying to do daily).
Anyway, try to not obsess. that's what i'm saying.

As far as the dr, he has told you that he believes that it is NOT cancer.  When i had breast cancer, my radiologist took one look at the ultrasound and told me she was 99% positive that it WAS cancer. They can USUALLY tell. It has a certain look to it.  He is doing the contrast MRI to verify what he suspects, that it is benign.

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Offline hasenfuss22

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Re: worried about the growth behind my optic nerve ( need another MRI)
« Reply #16 on: December 06, 2013, 04:49:13 PM »
Was able to get an appointment for tomorrow ( MRI with contrast). I can barely function because of the cancer fear. I really wish it's "just" a benign tumor. :((((
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Offline hasenfuss22

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Re: worried about the growth behind my optic nerve ( need another MRI)
« Reply #17 on: December 06, 2013, 11:29:23 PM »
So I was actually able to get an MRI with dye tomorrow. As I said before doctor doesn't think it's cancer but still wants that test to see the tumor better. I always seem to have bad luck with my health. I also have a heart defect and the doctor at that time also told me I probably don't have it and guess what I have it. I mean how in the world I can stay positive on that one. I know I have a tumor already but if it's cancer I really don't know how to deal. I am a single mom of a 12 year old with no family and not many friends. I don't want to have prolonged suffering from cancer. Yeah you can extent you life by a few years with chemotherapy but no thank you.I think I would rather commit ***** and I actually already searched for what is the best method. Everything is scary too. The people I know just tell me distract yourself but I have a hard time putting on a happy face and if I have cancer I don't know how to fake happiness. I admit I am a weak person and people get annoyed by my anxiety. I mean first they didn't even see the growth and I asked them if I have a tumor and they said no. I was so relieved and it's a nightmare getting a phone call at work and than they did find something after all. Now I have to wait for another dreaded phone call. When I am getting bad news I really don't want to live anymore esspecially going through this by myself. Yes. I know I am weak.
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Offline reece

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Re: worried about the growth behind my optic nerve ( need another MRI)
« Reply #18 on: December 07, 2013, 11:18:34 AM »
i'm so sorry you are feeling this way. it sounds like you are at a very low point and could really benefit from some counseling. please call someone and make an appt to talk to a professional. i know many on this board who have felt the same way as you, so please don't feel weak. having anxiety/depression does not mean you are a weak person. however, you need to pull up for your child and see a therapist, asap. 
i'm not trying to be all "hard love" on you, but you need better coping skills. i have benefited over the years myself from therapy. i DO have better skills, most days because of that.  also, just as a side note, i am a cancer survivor(chemo, radiation, surgery,etc). and i'm still here. i also have a 12 year old child.

try to help yourself. this will be the best thing you can do for your child
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Offline hasenfuss22

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Re: worried about the growth behind my optic nerve ( need another MRI)
« Reply #19 on: December 08, 2013, 12:28:03 PM »
I can't take even more time off to see a counsler and also can't affort the 100 $ it would cost to see one. Would be great but the reality looks different. I would like to be with people who understand that I am scared but no this people just tell me to distract myself. Also I am beeing told that this and this person had cancer and is traveling the word, is super positive and so on. I am beeing compared to people who are stronger than me. This is hurtful.
I can't hear anymore how weak I am so I am just going to not expose myself to people anymore. I have to at work and this is hard enough to keep it together. I thought with friends you can show your true feelings. Ones your sick ( and I know I am not sure if it's cancer yet but they missdiagnosed me before so what do I believe) people just don't want to deal with you unless you always smiling and don't show weakness.
Don't we see all the time that this or that person looked so happy and than all of a sudden kills themselves. GUESS what these peopler are to scared to show other people how sad they are because they getting judged for being depressed.
THAT'S HOW MOST PEOPLE ARE . Judging people for not feeling well because it's just not fun with them.
I have complete respect for people who take their own lives. I am avoiding peopel as much as I can now so I won't be reminded what a weakling i am.
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Offline Gomubukai

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Re: worried about the growth behind my optic nerve ( need another MRI)
« Reply #20 on: December 08, 2013, 03:40:13 PM »
You are NOT a weakling hassenfuss.

You are simply afraid and uncertain because you're going through a rough patch which is COMPLTELY normal and understandable. In a lot of cases where people are telling you about folk who are dying and living a great life well... I can't speak for everyone on here. But I think health anxious people like us are probably told that a lot... I know I am. I don't think people who aren't health anxious can understand the detrimental affect saying something like that to us can have. They mean well. But they just don't get us. You have to remember - we DO have a type of mental disorder already in health anxiety. So our nervous systems are usually already pretty strained from the stress we put ourselves under. It makes perfect sense for you to be feeling overwhelmed and a bit burnt out when you consider the extra strain you're under at the moment on top of that.

The other important thing to remember there is that Humans are adaptable and strong. And yes, you may not feel it right now. But YOU are also adaptable and strong. When the chips are down, we usually find a way to keep going knowing that around the corner something amazing might happen to us. Think about it for a moment, are there past situations in your life where you thought you would never get through it and just wanted to run and hide but turned out ok?

The waiting is th worst part of any medical scare. But I think either way, you will be ok. From the posts above it really does sound like the doctors are only doing the second MRI to completely rule out anything that shouldnt be there. They're just covering their bases first before going into the other things that could be causing your problems.

Please keep letting us know how you're going. :) you're stronger than you think
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Offline hasenfuss22

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Re: worried about the growth behind my optic nerve ( need another MRI)
« Reply #21 on: December 09, 2013, 05:30:36 PM »
I haven't gotten the scary phone call yet. My coworker scared me a bit she said that sometimes you can't even operate on Tumors because there is too much delicate stuff in your brain. It's not like your arms or legs. She is the kind of person who knows a lot. So even when it's not cancer I have to be terrified that it takes over in my head. Maybe growing and growing, killing my vision, brain cells etc.
I am I still hope it's not cancer . I mean can they really tell from just the MRI and contrast ? Can't stand the waiting and suffering. It's like a nightmare come true.
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extreme fear of cancer

Offline michelle360

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Re: worried about the growth behind my optic nerve ( need another MRI)
« Reply #22 on: December 10, 2013, 12:03:27 AM »
Ignore your co-worker. She's not a doctor. No matter how smart she may seem. Come here for support about your anxiety and to your doctors for your medical (and anxiety) concerns.
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Offline hasenfuss22

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Re: worried about the growth behind my optic nerve ( need another MRI)
« Reply #23 on: December 10, 2013, 12:22:54 AM »
I know I am driving everybody crazy and it's hard to reach the doctor to talk to. I only talked to him 10 minutes  but it scared the heck out of me than he still wanted to have that MRI with contrast. I don't want to get that deadly phone call at work  B-;
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extreme fear of cancer

Online Brick5711

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Re: worried about the growth behind my optic nerve ( need another MRI)
« Reply #24 on: December 12, 2013, 11:00:59 PM »
After my colonoscopy I was waiting for my results. They said I would have them in a couple days or sooner if it was bad. I waited for two weeks before I called. Wen I called the nurse said I will look it up because it is probably already in and fine. I was at work at the time and I traveled back and forth between two offices. As I got in the car to go, the doctor's office called. The nurse said hang on please, you need to speak to the doctor. I almost had a panic attack at work in front of everyone. If you do get the phone call at work, have someone there who is a friend that can hold your hand or listen in to the phone call so you don't miss anything or only hear parts you want to hear. And a comforting fact, my stepmother has a brain tumor. She is alie and well. It isn't cancerous. Just because there is a tumor doesn't signify cancer. Also, it doesn't mean it will take over your brain silly. The doctor's will either remove it or keep an eye on it now that they know it is there.
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Offline hasenfuss22

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Re: worried about the growth behind my optic nerve ( need another MRI)
« Reply #25 on: December 20, 2013, 09:36:13 PM »
I had brain surgery last Tuesday and I am home now. The surgery went well and he did what he wanted to do. He removed a part of the tumor so that I have less pressure on my optic nerve. Seems like my vision is the same or slightly improved. He said he can preserve it but vision doesn't usually come back since the tumor was damaging the optic nerve for quiet some time. The good news is that it's a meningioma gray level 1. Suppose to be the best you can get because another type of meningioma is fast growing and this one is slow growing. The next step is radiation to shrink the tumor so vision can be preserved the way it is right now. I asked him about cancer again and he said only in rare cases benign rumors can turn into cancer. Huh????? I thought I could finally stop worrying about cancer. He said everything can turn into cancer. Your hand, breast... Etc.
Am I just to paranoid ? Should I stop worrying after successfully surgery ( although tumor can't be removed) and pathology said benign. What do you guys think ?
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Offline reece

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Re: worried about the growth behind my optic nerve ( need another MRI)
« Reply #26 on: December 22, 2013, 11:13:19 AM »
the pathology says that your tumor is benign.
that is 100% . it is not going to turn into cancer.
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Offline greend

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Re: worried about the growth behind my optic nerve ( need another MRI)
« Reply #27 on: December 22, 2013, 12:19:32 PM »
My friend had her meningioma removed and was told exactly what you were told.  She is happier than a clam.  She has no thoughts that it will turn cancerous, because they so so RARELY do.  Yours won't either.  Congratulations on your successful surgery.
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