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Author Topic: I'm scared I'm going crazy?  (Read 409 times)

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Offline GoldenFalcon202

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I'm scared I'm going crazy?
« on: December 03, 2013, 11:22:57 AM »
I get really, really scared about school shootings, so I sometimes just think 'If a shooter came into school, I'll hide in ---, then I'll run to ---, and then I'll get out of school via ---'. Basically, I've noticed that since the Sandy Hook Shooting (which makes me really upset to think about), there's been tons of them. It's like all the deranged people in the world are suddenly all just coming out. And then I realize that's it really not something a teenage girl should be thinking about, so I get scared that I'm going crazy.

I also believe in some really weird stuff-like, I get really anxious if I see an overweight person (who isn't my friend-I'm fine with them), and I just can't touch them, or stand next to them, or follow them through the door. I'm scared that if I do that, I'll get overweight myself. It sounds horrible, and I really hate it because I hate people being mean to anybody, but it still scares me.

And I'm pretty ambitious-I want to be a filmmaker when I'm older who'll (hopefully) make films people like. But people like Hitler and Macbeth (fictional character, but still)-we're learning about them in school atm, and they were both really ambitious-and they went crazy. I'm scared I'll end up like them.

I also get really annoyed really easily, especially at school-if people are charging through the corridors or screaming in class, I just feel like yelling at them to shut up. And then I feel bad, because I'm a teenager, that's what I'm SUPPOSED to be like, what if that's the way a physcopath thinks, what if this is the way those school shooters thought?

I'm really scared.
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Online Stressed Jumper

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Re: I'm scared I'm going crazy?
« Reply #1 on: December 03, 2013, 02:56:06 PM »
Let me start by saying that you are not crazy and you are not alone.  The thing is that crazy people don't know they're crazy...so if you're worried about your sanity then you are probably just fine.  It does sound like you have some OCD and anxiety symptoms and that is something I recommend you talk to a good psych or doc about.  High School is hellish no matter who you are...trust me on this one...so don't assume you've gone around the bend just because you want to scream and shout now and again.  Between social stress, academic stress, and the roller coaster ride of hormones you are riding it's normal to feel a little out of control.  It sounds like you are a bit more sensitive/in touch with your feelings than most of your peers: you internalize and worry whereas they ignore.  There is nothing wrong with that but it can lead you to question yourself more.  I was very lucky back when I was in HS and had an awesome guidance counselor who helped me through a whole mess of issues.  Find someone who is professionally trained, someone you trust and feel comfortable with, and talk to them about treatment options... whether that be therapy, meds, whatever.  Even if all you do is talk you'll be amazed at how much better you'll feel once you get the weight off your chest.  Hang in there!
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Offline BuzzBee1

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Re: I'm scared I'm going crazy?
« Reply #2 on: December 03, 2013, 04:31:06 PM »
GoldenFalcon,

Stressed Jumper has given you some very good advice.  I would just like to add a couple of thoughts.

First, you seem to think that as a teenager you are supposed to think or act a certain way.  Everyone is different, and has different fears and stressors.  I have a feeling that if you had access to the private thoughts of others at your school, you would find that you aren't alone there, either.

The events at Sandy Hook were very disturbing, and I'd really be surprised if almost everyone in your school has not given some thought to an escape route of their own.  I actually think that is quite a normal response to things that have happened.

Also, there are millions of ambitious people in the world who are highly successful, and the chances of turning into a Hitler are quite rare.  I'm pretty sure you don't need to worry about that happening.

The fact that you don't like chaos in the hallways is also not that unusual.  Most folks who suffer from anxiety don't like that kind of thing.  Just because you're a teenager doesn't mean you have to like the actions of other teenagers.  As I said before, everyone is different.

I do agree with Stressed Jumper that you need to find  a professional to talk to.

Good luck to you.

Buzzy
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Offline GoldenFalcon202

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Re: I'm scared I'm going crazy?
« Reply #3 on: December 05, 2013, 11:51:51 AM »
Thank you both so much for replying so quickly!

Both of your comments made me feel quite a bit better, thank you <3 I'm going to a school counsel group thing every Wednesday after school, and they've referred me to a proper counsellour, but I'm not sure the details of that. I'm also seeing the school nurse to talk about my anxiety as well tomorrow, so hopefully that goes okay ^^''

I think I've found what sets me off-just like hearing about diseases and death sets off my hypochondria, hearing about murders sets off my OCD. I just saw a news article on a girl who helped kill her own mother-apparently she was a 'troubled teen' (cue: OHMYGODI'MATROUBLEDTEEND:)-but I've calmed down a lot now.

Thank you again! ^^
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Online Stressed Jumper

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Re: I'm scared I'm going crazy?
« Reply #4 on: December 05, 2013, 12:59:34 PM »
I am glad you are working toward finding someone to talk to. I probably would have lost it if not for my awesome guidance counselor and kick-ass grandmother and friends.  You are not going to hurt your mom or anyone else...the fact that you think about it and it freaks you out means it will never happen.  I even know how you feel, a little at least. 

When I was 16 I was put in the unenviable position of almost having to pull the plug on my grandmother and I didn't sleep for days.  She had made me promise after her first two strokes that if she was left a vegetable I would help her die.  She raised me and I owed her my life (She saved me from dying when I was run over by a car) so I agreed even though the thought of doing it made me feel like a monster.  Thank all the gods above that she woke up from her third stroke before the "deadline" passed and made a nearly full recovery.

 You are not a danger to others or even a troubled teen, in my humble opinion you are just a sensitive soul who needs a bit of support to get your feet under you.  Hang in there and feel free to message me if you need a friendly voice, so to speak.  You will get through this!

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Offline GoldenFalcon202

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Re: I'm scared I'm going crazy?
« Reply #5 on: December 06, 2013, 01:15:18 PM »
The school nurse didn't really help-I found her really patronizing and she just focused on my relationship with my mum (who works a LOT nowadays), so I didn't tell her about my OCD because I didn't feel like she'd really understand, despite how much she'd act like it.

That sounds awful :c I'm glad you're gran's better now though, and you as well!

Thank you c:
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