I get really, really scared about school shootings, so I sometimes just think 'If a shooter came into school, I'll hide in ---, then I'll run to ---, and then I'll get out of school via ---'. Basically, I've noticed that since the Sandy Hook Shooting (which makes me really upset to think about), there's been tons of them. It's like all the deranged people in the world are suddenly all just coming out. And then I realize that's it really not something a teenage girl should be thinking about, so I get scared that I'm going crazy.
I also believe in some really weird stuff-like, I get really anxious if I see an overweight person (who isn't my friend-I'm fine with them), and I just can't touch them, or stand next to them, or follow them through the door. I'm scared that if I do that, I'll get overweight myself. It sounds horrible, and I really hate it because I hate people being mean to anybody, but it still scares me.
And I'm pretty ambitious-I want to be a filmmaker when I'm older who'll (hopefully) make films people like. But people like Hitler and Macbeth (fictional character, but still)-we're learning about them in school atm, and they were both really ambitious-and they went crazy. I'm scared I'll end up like them.
I also get really annoyed really easily, especially at school-if people are charging through the corridors or screaming in class, I just feel like yelling at them to shut up. And then I feel bad, because I'm a teenager, that's what I'm SUPPOSED to be like, what if that's the way a physcopath thinks, what if this is the way those school shooters thought?
I'm really scared.