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Author Topic: Unreasonable guilt  (Read 223 times)

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Offline Raven

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Unreasonable guilt
« on: December 02, 2013, 05:29:52 AM »
Been feeling pretty good lately, have begun to find an inner strength and defend my right to an opinion, realizing that I'm a capable person with quite a few qualities. Today, however, it all collapsed, due to a small matter: I had a row with my 5-year old daughter when taking her to kindergarten this morning. She cried all the way there, and didn't want me to leave. She rarely does that, but I know many kids do that often. Anyway, it's not the first time and I should be able to handle it. But now, here I am, in front of the computer, getting virtually nothing done, my head pounding with guilt and self hatred. I feel like I'm useless at work, don't know what I'm doing, hating myself for not fulfilling my dreams, not able to think clearly and just wanting to be alone and not having to talk to anyone. There are loads of things to do at work, but I just sit here and feel like I want to die. I'm not worthy to be alive, I'm taking up space for other, capable and important, people. I'm riddled with guilt for pretending to be a human being, when in fact I'm some kind of extraterrestrial freak. I don't understand how people manage their lives, practically and mentally. I should be lying in a hospital bed somewhere with people taking care of me and protecting me from the outside world. I don't want responsibility, I want to be alone with nothing left to loose, watching other people from afar, not having to interact with the world. Anyone recognize that feeling?
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Offline Cuchculan

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Re: Unreasonable guilt
« Reply #1 on: December 02, 2013, 06:06:08 AM »
For over ten years I was that person. Sitting at a window watching life go by. No wanting to join in with it at times. At other times jealous of others who didn't seem to have a bother in the world. What was easy to them was hard to me. Even a simple walk down the road was a struggle. Was it all worth it? The answer is no. For ten years I stayed in my house feeling sorry for myself. That got me nowhere at all. Yes. I do understand there are times when life throws things at us we feel we can't handle. But we can't keep turning our backs on them. That was what I done for ten years. I always let other people do these things for me. As I sat and just watched life. Just like you said ' from a distance '. But you know the greatest feeling ever? Once I began to fight back. It wasn't easy. Far from it. Even going out into my front garden was hard. Was like I had to learn to live again. Every small step. Like a baby would take. If you really want to go down that road, I can tell you now, it will be a long climb back. Granted things are not going great for you right now. It seems everything is getting to you. This is were you need expert help. To put some sort of shape to your life. To figure out why things are going as they are. Better to focus on one problem at a time, other than ten problems all at once. It is not that you are a bad person. It is just you are having a hard time of things. You are not taken up space at all. You are just confused about what is going on with you. Once you learn how to put all the pieces together once more you will see a life. But you need help to put those pieces together. Maybe even some medication to take the edge off of things. Medication, therapy and a lot of hard work by yourself. That is what got me back out again. I also stopped feeling sorry for myself. I had problems. I had to learn to deal with them. Not just sit here and expert others to do everything for me. Just believe in yourself. No matter how bad things may seem, there is always a road back. It may be a long road. But the fight is worth it.
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Offline tinam7

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Re: Unreasonable guilt
« Reply #2 on: December 02, 2013, 08:01:53 AM »
Is there anyone here who can't relate to this one way or another? We can all relate. Guilt has been my steady companion all my life. You've come to a good place with good people.

Believe it is the times we're in when it seems we must all be super photogenic, laughing all the time, be entertainers, or sports phenomenons, or inventors, or wild with passions, or gazillionaires, etc. Saw Jeff Beezos on 60 Minutes (TV show) and my blood pressure went through the roof. Then there was Barbra Streisand whining and the audience wiping tears. Good Grief.

Your daughter needs you, loves you. She needs you to like and love yourself so you can love and appreciate her. Ordinary lives with ordinary work, with ordinary aspirations are the best there is. We are here to confirm that you are a great guy. You have a sweet daughter, don't you? I once had one too. She is now grown up but my memory of her when she was young never fades. Don't waste this time, make the most of it. Time stops for no-one.
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Offline Lily120

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Re: Unreasonable guilt
« Reply #3 on: December 03, 2013, 02:58:15 AM »
Ohh, I know this feeling sooo well, it's like an old companion.

For me, it takes practice to hold onto and, when I feel I've lost it, to get back that sense of faith in myself and my strength, to remember that it is okay to take up the space that I need. The more stressed I get, the harder it is for me to remember those things.

When you say that it all collapsed, I suspect that even though you believe it has, it's really there, your inner strength, you just aren't feeling it right now. It's like a domino effect - when your capacity to deal with stress is maxed, even the little things can get to you, and you can end up feeling like everything is wrong.

I don't know if any of this applies to you personally, but this tends to be my pattern when I'm feeling that heavy guilt with anxiety. When I'm feeling like that, the last thing I want to do is take care of myself and give myself a break, but it's usually what I need most.



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