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Offline Cheeky_beef

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My Anxiety Story
« on: December 02, 2013, 12:14:48 AM »
Hello everyone! Thank you for taking the time to read this in advance. I've read many posts about Anxiety, and I genuinely feel better knowing that I'm not alone in this. When my anxiety first started, I felt like I was all alone, and that I had no one to turn to, but seeing other people's stories unfold on my computer screen has really helped me get through this. I'm still dealing with it somewhat, but it's getting better!

My anxiety must have started subconsciously around 7 or 8 months ago - I noticed there was blood when I went to No.2. I won't go over the details, but I went straight to the assumption that it was the big C. It's not exactly a nice thing to see in a toilet bowl, but when I saw that pool of crimson horror, I thought "Why is this happening? What could it be? This has never happened before - oh no, it must be..." And I kept this quiet for over 7 months until I had to speak out. I remember the day well - I was all over the place, I started feeling lightheaded at first, and then slightly dizzy, followed by this tremendous headache. At this point, I decided to see a doctor about it, but the doctor that I was registered with had actually moved. I thought "Whoa, is it destiny that I can't see my Doctor today?" I know that sounds silly, but anyways, I registered with someone else - a week later, I managed to make an appointment - turned out the bleeding was caused by an internal hemorrhoid. Still, after I left the surgery, I still felt uneasy - why couldn't I shrug off the fact that I might have bowel cancer? I didn't say that my main issue was panicking and worrying that something might be wrong. Suddenly I started to develop these pains all over my body, but the area that was most affected was near my bottom, my testicles, and even the penis itself at times. Sorry for being so graphic, haha. I also had head pains and a burning sensation, but also occurred near my chest, arms and legs - not one part of my body escaped these pains. I made another appointment and explained to her about these pains, the worries, keeping my troubles inside for months on end, and she said I had anxiety - I still had questions, but I never got to ask them because I felt I had to get out there and tackle my anxiety head-on... but days later, my worries about having cancer still didn't fade; I turned into a nervous wreck, wondering why I felt the way I did, and why these pains were happening - surely it couldn't have been just my mind? There must have be something wrong. Once again, I made another appointment - I explained that I was scared I had cancer. She reassured me that it was simply an internal hemorrhoid and recommended that I see a professional about my anxiety - she could tell I was upset. I then left and thought to myself how silly and ridiculous I was to think of the worst-case scenario.

A week later, and even though I felt much more relaxed, I was still feeling these pains, and they were so dominant near the lower half of my body. I thought "Okay, it's probably not cancer, so why? I'm feeling okay, so why is this happening?" Then I thought to myself Diabetes? Surely not. I did a Google search (terrible idea), typing in "Nerve Damage" and came up with all sorts of scary possibilities for the pains; when Diabetes and Cancer came up as possibilities, I immediately connected the dots in my mind. I then started to panic again, because the last 5 or 6 years of my life had consisted of me drinking high-sugar fizzy drinks - I was convinced that I had it, and that Diabetes was the sole reason behind these pains. A day later, my bladder started to feel increasingly heavy, and the need to go was constant and unexpected. One of the symptoms of Diabetes was an increased frequency to urinate. I then went to see the doctor again, who reassured me that I didn't have Diabetes, and that I would know about it if I had it. Once again, I came out of there feeling silly, and a little guilty that I wasted the Doctor's time - I had never been like this in life, worrying about every little pain and abnormality within my body.

Anyways, that's my full story. The funny thing is that I'm still in my early 20's, and I have yet to get a job, so if I'm like this now, who knows what I'm going to be like when I deal with real stress, rather than just these "What-ifs" that hold no water. These days, the need to pee is still there, but the pains have greatly reduced, and I'm trying to incorporate exercise, eating plenty of the right foods, and whatnot, into my lifestyle. After hearing that it's very unlikely that I don't have Diabetes or Cancer, I generally feel amazing - I think that it's because I was so worried about those 2 things for months, and to at least be told whether I have them or not is reassuring - It felt like I was in limbo for months and that I couldn't move on with my life.

Thank you all so much for taking the time to read this. Feel free to tell me of your experiences and share your stories - perhaps you've gone through similar experiences that I have? Thanks again!
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Offline crikee57

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Re: My Anxiety Story
« Reply #1 on: December 02, 2013, 04:33:32 PM »
I am glad you have found some relief finding out that you do not have Cancer or Diabetes, but I would highly recommend still seeking out some help with the anxiety.  The thing I have learned with anxiety is that the reassurance is not always long lived.  Your body may produce a new symptom that will begin to scare you again.  If you pursue therapy now, you will be better equipped to handle future symptoms.  Acceptance is the key but it is hard and therapy helps give you the tools to cope.  Good luck.
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It's not what's in front of us that stops us.  It's what's inside that holds us back.

Offline Lam123

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Re: My Anxiety Story
« Reply #2 on: December 02, 2013, 06:33:06 PM »
Thank you for sharing your story. I have experienced very similar. I had a health scare, thinking I was having a heart attack and it was a panic attack. I have seen 2 cardiologist, many heart tests, emerg many times and everywhere says the heart is fine. And still I seem to focus on it and seem to think they might of missed something. You asked about what you are going to do when you have real stress later I life, I find that big stressors that stress most people don't stress me, but little things and health cause major stress and anxiety for me.
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Offline Cheeky_beef

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Re: My Anxiety Story
« Reply #3 on: December 02, 2013, 07:50:43 PM »
crikee57

You may be right. I have only felt the usual reoccurring symptoms so far, so if new ones pop up, I may start to worry again. Right now, I do feel contempt. I might give it a month or two before I seek help, but I will seriously consider it. I appreciate that I've only been living with it for 2 or so months when others have been coping for years, so thank you for that suggestion. Also thank you for reading!

Lam123

I'm in the same boat when it comes to what you're feeling, which is weird because we have different symptoms - all of my anxiety and stresses have come from worrying about my health. Maybe it's because I haven't really been ill with anything, so to see any abnormality, I just assume it's the end of the road.

I'll say one thing - I haven't had any tests done, which makes me a little anxious, but I take solace in the fact that they don't feel like they have to. One part of my brain says "See? Nothing to worry about." when the other says "No tests = How do you know you're okay or not?" But one day at a time... Thank you for reading my story also. I really appreciate the reply. ^^
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Offline Lam123

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Re: My Anxiety Story
« Reply #4 on: December 03, 2013, 10:19:48 AM »
No problem, I like hearing peoples stories and not feeling alone.

Keep in mind, that I felt the same as you, once the tests are done and they tell me i am ok, all the worries will go away. That didn't happen for me, atleast not yet. I have had so many tests done on the heart and seen so many doctors and still is seems to be the centre of my anxiety. I take it one day at a time and I have realized that's all I can handle right now, and that's ok.
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Offline Arnatuille

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Re: My Anxiety Story
« Reply #5 on: December 04, 2013, 04:57:15 AM »
i am 24 years old and i have had anxiety since i was around 14 but recently has become unbearable. Around five weeks ago i had my first full blown anxiety attack in the middle of the night. my whole body was shaking for around two hours and it felt like i couldn't breathe. Since then i had pain in the left side of my chest and shooting pains in my legs and also numbness. I went to see my doctor and went for blood tests and tests on my heart and all was fine. He gave me 3 different kinds of pills of which i took for a week but didn't like the side effects. Recently in the last week my breathing is strange it feels like i am not taking full breaths and i really struggle to sleep at night. I have ordered some anxiclear day and night and just hope they help me relax and sleep.
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Offline Cheeky_beef

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Re: My Anxiety Story
« Reply #6 on: December 05, 2013, 06:19:02 PM »
Arnaturille

Thanks for replying. I hope you manage to get some sleep. I'm sure that, as different people have different symptoms of anxiety, maybe it takes a certain type of medication to be effective - i doubt there's a cure-all for everyone. Maybe it's a case of experimenting? Still, I'm no doctor. I don't take medication as the doctor advised I don't go down that path if absolutely necessary. I've only been suffering with the physical symptoms for 2-3 months. I hope you find some relief somehow. At least you've been to the doctors and you know that, subconsciously, you're probably fine, even if anxiety does the best to reassure you that it isn't. >.<;

I'm actually starting to question if I actually have anxiety. The doctor diagnosed me, but I've seen many people's posts, and the majority all seem to be based on depersonalization, dizziness, trouble sleeping, and plagued thoughts of doom and anxiety, whereas mine are all physical - pains, sensitivity, muscle aches and occasional twitches everywhere. I get the odd dizzy feeling and shortness of breath, but it doesn't last for very long at all, especially these days. I wish you the best of luck, though. Thank you for reading!

Lam123

Hmm I see. When the doctor told me I didn't have Diabetes (my latest & hopefully last visit), it was like a massive weight had been lifted off of my shoulders - I kind of thought to myself "Snap out if it, there wasn't anything wrong to begin with" - It's hard to explain - it was almost like an empty threat that didn't even exist, and now i'm left with the backlash of the symptoms that my mind is forcing on the body... Sorry I don't think I'm making much sense here.

.. I don't understand how the mind works. I know it's powerful, but my thought process now is that if the Doctor tells me I'm okay, then she's probably right, as she's been studying for years and would tell me if I wasn't. She told me that things happen, and that nothing can be prevented with 100% certainty, but for now, you're fine. Those were more or less her words. It really got me to re-think at that point.

It really does help to talk to you though, because none of my friends & family know what I'm going through at all, and I don't even tell some of them as I wouldn't want to burden anyone with my problem, especially if I know I can tackle it by myself, and hopefully with the power of my mind, even if it's aligned itself to the anxiety side. Curses... xD Anyways, yeah, it's nice just to share my story with everyone and find similar people to empathise with.
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Offline Lam123

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Re: My Anxiety Story
« Reply #7 on: December 05, 2013, 06:27:44 PM »
When I first got the results of my heart, I was so happy and relieved. But for some reason ever since then, any symptom I have seems to make me think it's related to my heart and sends me with crazy thoughts.
I have not told family or friends either.
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Offline Arnatuille

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Re: My Anxiety Story
« Reply #8 on: December 05, 2013, 06:57:29 PM »
Cheeky beef

I had twitches all over my body as well and also could feel my pulse all over. Anxiety can be physical as well as mental .Also if you think about the symptom for long enough you will end up feeling it
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Offline Cheeky_beef

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Re: My Anxiety Story
« Reply #9 on: December 05, 2013, 08:01:19 PM »
Lam123

I think I know how you feel. Does it feel like you've taken a step back because you've been told you're okay, but the symptom makes you think that you're going around in circles? At first, I couldn't believe that the mind was capable of these very real physical symptoms, but I was wrong. Actually, now that I think about it, whenever I get the pains, I'm usually playing Video Games as I do love playing them so much, so it's easy for me to be distracted.

Oh... by the way, I did tell by Mum and my Brother, but they dismissed it very quickly... I was mad at how they could just brush it off without even thinking about how I was feeling or what I was going through. I was so angry... I didn't show it - I just pretended they were right, and that I was being silly. That was a dark time for me.

Out of curiosity, how long have you had your symptoms?

Arnatuille

Well I don't feel that I've felt any of the mental symptoms. Hopefully that won't change. I'm still new to it. I haven't been suffering for it long, so I'm sorry if I appear naive.

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Offline Lam123

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Re: My Anxiety Story
« Reply #10 on: December 05, 2013, 09:23:00 PM »
May 2013 I had my first anxiety attack and thought I was having a heart attack, went to emerg and was told my heart was fine and it was anxiety, walked out of the hospital and never thought of anything. Beginning of July 2013, woke up with chest aches, went to emerg and was till I was fine. Throughout the summer I had constant chest aches, shortness of breath, went to emerg about four times and every times I was fine. Then the end of august I had many heart tests and saw a cardiologist and was told it is anxiety and nothing is wrong with my heart. So, I figure, my symptoms started early July 2013. October I had really bad shortness of breath, went to emerg and was fine. I'm actually embarrassed to go to emerg again. Lol!
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Offline Cheeky_beef

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Re: My Anxiety Story
« Reply #11 on: December 06, 2013, 05:06:56 AM »
Haha yeah. Sometimes, I kinda hope the doctor finds something wrong with me, so they know I'm not going crazy! Still I can't blame you for constantly going - the heart is important, after all - you have to be 100% sure that it's functioning well.

I might not log on for a month or two as I'm moving to my grandparents for Christmas. Thank you so much Lam123, it really helped talking to someone with the same symptoms and health scares. I hope we can both conquer our anxieties someday!
 :spineyes:
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Offline Lam123

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Re: My Anxiety Story
« Reply #12 on: December 06, 2013, 07:25:08 AM »
I enjoyed talking to you aswell. Have a Merry Christmas and all the best for 2014.
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