Long time reader first time poster. I decided to register because I feel like reaching out to people who also have the same issues that I have, because as you are all aware, explaining an anxiety disorder to someone who has never had it...is frustrating.
Just some back story.
I am 25 years old and I live in Massachusetts, I have a wonderful high paying job in IT and I have been dating my girlfriend for 6 years now, she is my rock. Letís go wayyyyy back to when I was in high school, the year...2005. Back then I was a regular kid, but then out of nowhere I began to believe that I had West Nile Virus. I am not sure where this came from, perhaps the media but it caused me to leave school, I would sweat constantly in class etc... And it all came to head when I had a full blown anxiety attack. And as you can be aware if you have never had an anxiety attack before and get one, it feel like dying. That day was the worst day ever. My doctor at the time thought it was just puberty and I would outgrow it..And I did! I did for many many years.
Letís jump to June of 2012. Thatís when everything I thought I got rid of came back. In full force. But this time I had the means and the motivation to combat this pain in the butt known as anxiety. Luckily my sister works for a counseling center and was able to get me an appointment with a very good councilor. I was diagnosed with a general panic/anxiety disorder and hypochondriasis thatís when we started my treatment. Because of what I believe I decided to not take meds. I just didn't like the idea of a pill in my brain just pulling strings around. I decided to do CBT instead and have been doing it ever since. My councilor said I was a success story and I am supposed to be discharged in January after only a year of treatment with no medication. But over the past 3 weeks (after being symptom free for 6 months) I started to have anxiety again.
The best way that I can describe my anxiety to others is that how my brain works is that I have these thoughts, and these thoughts are like a giant snowball at the top of a big hill. and all that needs to happen is that snowball gets pushed and starts to roll down the hill....faster and faster gaining speed and getting bigger and if I canít stop the ball then itís over, anxiety/panic/stress. Luckily I have been able to stop the ball a lot better than I used too.
The past 3 weeks have kind of been crappy, anxiety wise. I noticed that sometimes my hands started to shake, when I squeeze something tight. Also my neck and arms shake when moving them. I went to the doctors and the doctor did a mini neuron test and said that its more likely muscle fatigue. Obviously it think otherwise :) I got it in my head that I had a brain tumor, or some other serious neuron disease. The angel and devil on their respected shoulders are fighting for position in my brain for who is right. The problem that I have and that I assume others have is the fact that your mind is so powerful that if you think you have an issue related to your disease that you think you have, your mind can make those symptoms appear. Headache, "vision" problems, etc... Which stinks. I also have been having sleeping issues the past few days which fuels the fire I have a neuron disease. Right when I am about to fall asleep it feel like all the blood is going to my head and I jump right awake, I also find myself shaking internally when I am either about to fall asleep or when I wake up from sleeping. Both of these I have been told are related to stress/anxiety. But you know how we hypochondriacs operate :) The weird part is that I seem to get all the weird medical stuff. I had a lump on my testicle this year that turned out to be not cancer, there was a huge lump in my next that turned out to be a saliva gland blockage, also no big deal. I suffer from lockjaw when I sleep every single morning and I also got bit by a spider that almost made my foot fall off! Fun! So when I start to feel a little strange I tend to "catastrophize" (as my councilor would say) everything. Which is bad, of course.
So thatís pretty much me. I will be starting to participate in some threads including this one, feel free to ask/suggest/whatever you want to this post and I will respond!
Thanks guys, everyday can be a struggle but its how we adapt to overcome.