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Author Topic: New Relationsip  (Read 225 times)

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Offline Rockyfan

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New Relationsip
« on: December 01, 2013, 09:10:25 AM »
Good morning everyone,

I've never really had anxiety issues before roughly a week ago. However, I can honestly say that this is the worst funk I've been in in my entire life. Let me tell you a story....

I had recently started dating the girl of my dreams  (a good friend of mine), I've liked her for years and when I got her I was so completely happy. Unfortunately, this only lasted roughly a week and a half. Last week I received bad news at work, I was extremely tired and the weather was nothing but gloomy. I remember sitting here and this voice in my head just seeps in and says "you don't like her". It's strange I remember the exact moment when it happend. Instantly, I felt like I was in a fog and my panic attacks started. I did a complete 180 with her in one day. People just don't change their mind like that in one day.... I've talked to a therapist and she mentioned that it may be an obsessive thought. She explained that most thoughts are filtered through your brain like through a fish net and that sometimes certain ones just get stuck.

I let the whirl wind of this though consume me, I've lost weight, sleep and dwelled on it. The very person I swore just two weeks before I would never hurt I have been hurting. It's almost like seeing her and talking to her triggers some sort of anxiety within me. At times, I just want to end it completely just so I don't have these attacks and so I don't have to suffer any more. Even talking to her is hard at this point, I've just never experienced anything like this before.

Everyone asks if I she said or did anything to trigger this and the answer is no. When I put together a pro and con list of all of her attributes I cannot think of one single negative one. She's even been completely supportive during this whole process I've been through. My therapist mentioned fear learning, I had this negative thought that stuck with me and then had a series of panic attacks solidifying these thoughts as true in my brain. Does anyone know anything about this? Has anyone ever had an issue like this with a loved one? Everyone says to give it time and each relationship has high's and low's but the anxiety is making it hard to hold onto it.

Any advice or thoughts would be appreciated!
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Offline Cuchculan

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Re: New Relationsip
« Reply #1 on: December 03, 2013, 06:15:19 AM »
Obviously you know you messed up. My own take on it. Bit different from that of your therapist. Before you began dating you probably saw her only as a good friend. This is something you would have seen for years. You end up with her. You ask yourself ' why  did this not happen years ago '? You can do this on a subconscious level. You begin to question the relationship. You may have answered your own question in the same way. Somewhere deep within you may see her as this good friend only. Thus the mind becomes confused. If you were to date her and it didn't go well you may lose this good friendship. One kind of fear that could hit the subconscious mind. So you make yourself believe that you are not right for each other as a couple in a relationship. I mean we do see people do this a lot with other things in life. Self sabotage. To put one name on it. Everything is perfect. The couldn't want for more. Then they go and sabotage everything. Ruin it all. There is a reason for everything. Why ruin a relationship with a person you know you like? I just think you might have liked too much before the relationship. But as a friend. Relationships can end. With that, friendships end too. Somewhere deep within there may have been a small light telling you that you done wrong asking her out. It was best as it was. As a friendship. So you tried to back out of it quickly. But as it now stands she probably hates you like never before. I would talk to her. I would let her know you have seen a therapist. That anxiety kicked in big time. What happened what not you. It is not something you would do as a rule. You can try and explain what the therapist said it was. I do agree it was a thought. I am not doubting that part. I am leaning more towards self sabotage. But try speak to her and let her know what is going on.
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