Good morning everyone,
I've never really had anxiety issues before roughly a week ago. However, I can honestly say that this is the worst funk I've been in in my entire life. Let me tell you a story....
I had recently started dating the girl of my dreams (a good friend of mine), I've liked her for years and when I got her I was so completely happy. Unfortunately, this only lasted roughly a week and a half. Last week I received bad news at work, I was extremely tired and the weather was nothing but gloomy. I remember sitting here and this voice in my head just seeps in and says "you don't like her". It's strange I remember the exact moment when it happend. Instantly, I felt like I was in a fog and my panic attacks started. I did a complete 180 with her in one day. People just don't change their mind like that in one day.... I've talked to a therapist and she mentioned that it may be an obsessive thought. She explained that most thoughts are filtered through your brain like through a fish net and that sometimes certain ones just get stuck.
I let the whirl wind of this though consume me, I've lost weight, sleep and dwelled on it. The very person I swore just two weeks before I would never hurt I have been hurting. It's almost like seeing her and talking to her triggers some sort of anxiety within me. At times, I just want to end it completely just so I don't have these attacks and so I don't have to suffer any more. Even talking to her is hard at this point, I've just never experienced anything like this before.
Everyone asks if I she said or did anything to trigger this and the answer is no. When I put together a pro and con list of all of her attributes I cannot think of one single negative one. She's even been completely supportive during this whole process I've been through. My therapist mentioned fear learning, I had this negative thought that stuck with me and then had a series of panic attacks solidifying these thoughts as true in my brain. Does anyone know anything about this? Has anyone ever had an issue like this with a loved one? Everyone says to give it time and each relationship has high's and low's but the anxiety is making it hard to hold onto it.
Any advice or thoughts would be appreciated!