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Author Topic: Confidence Hindered from Anxiety  (Read 337 times)

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Offline Raneshowe

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Confidence Hindered from Anxiety
« on: November 22, 2013, 04:39:17 AM »
Hey everyone, this may be a long post, but I just want to vent and get this off my chest.

The days don't seem to get any easier. I'm 20 years old, still a virgin, I've been single for about 98% of my life, and I can't seem to attract girls at all. I believe this is due to my low confidence and I need help!

I was really shy growing up as it was, and as I went through my middle school years I dealt with bullying which made it even worse (sorry if it sounds like I'm starting a pity party everyone, I apologize now). The bullying stopped before I got up to High School, but it seemed to leave a mental scar of low confidence and anxiety which followed me up until this day. In high school itself, I strayed away from flirting or talking to girls because I was really nervous all the time and low confidence gave me a big fear of failure. I had two girlfriends in that time but never did anything except hug them. I was too nervous to kiss them or go any further. This led them to both break up with me because I obviously wasn't giving them the attention they deserved.

Now I'm in my 3rd year of college, I haven't had a girlfriend since I was 17, and I feel lonelier than ever nowadays. I still have very low confidence and a big fear of failure. I have great friends and family, but there's a certain loneliness of not having/never having that special someone in my life of whom I intimately cared about that I feel everyday.

When it comes to girls, I just don't seem to attract them. When I do make an attempt and talk to them, they seem uninterested. I'm definitely not the best looking guy, but I feel like I'm not the worst either. I have a lot of friends who seem to have girls always coming up to them and talking to them or flirting with them and they don't even have to do any work. Is it because they beam confidence?

What it more-or-less comes down to is that I don't mind being a virgin at 20. I do, however, mind that I can't seem to interest any girls. I fear that I'm going to be lonely for the rest of my life. I fear that I will get into a relationship and mess everything up. I fear that I'll get rejected. I fear that I'll be judged. I fear that I won't know what to say. I fear that theres something wrong with me. I don't want to fear, I try to ignore everything, but it just seems to always pop in my head when I try to flirt. People tell me to just stop worrying and be myself, but it's not that simple, at least not in my mind.

So has anyone else gone through this fear of failure or low confidence? If so, can you give me any advice on how you fixed it? Once again, sorry for this long rant, I just needed to get it off my chest. Thanks all!
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Online Cuchculan

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Re: Confidence Hindered from Anxiety
« Reply #1 on: November 22, 2013, 06:40:47 AM »
Maybe you are trying too hard. You see your friends. They don't even try and look what happens to them. If you see yourself as a failure you may begin to really try. But by doing this you are only adding to the problem. If you get no results you really begin to think there is something wrong with you. The fact is, you are a normal person. Nothing wrong with you at all. You just need to believe in yourself. Believe in what you can do. Is there any clubs of interest in college? Things you like doing. That do involve other people. It is these I would aim for. To meet others who are into the same things you are into. It may take time. Others might be a nervous are you are. I bet you are not the only person like that in your college. There may even be a speaking club. For people who may lack self esteem. To get up and talk in front of others. I know a lot of colleges have such groups. Just a case of finding them. Maybe even volunteer to help out with a few things. The more you do these things the more friends you will make. The more friends you make, the more you will begin to believe in yourself. So keep the head up. Have a good look around your college. See what they have going on that you may be able to join.
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The Lovable Irish Rogue

Offline Wolfboxer

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Re: Confidence Hindered from Anxiety
« Reply #2 on: November 22, 2013, 11:04:19 AM »
For me I know things all about low confidence. We all have struggles and things in our life that stop us or are in our way to getting what we dream or or want. Really just be yourself don't push your self to get out there and get a girl to like you. Just try to calm self and approach in a friend manner. A lot of girls don't like one's who are wanting affection right away in a loving matter. I know I'm one of them. You need to get to know them a lot and confidence is hard to have and gain. Being around friends and other people who care about you can help you out.  I'm not sure what else to say but I know what your going through. I'm 24 single and never done it. So yeah.. I know the feeling a bit. We are all different but have the same struggles. If you ever need to talk I'm here feel free to PM me. Sorry if my advice sucked. I can only do so much. Try and hang in there, OK?

*Gives you a cookie to try and cheer you up*
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Offline stephtronic

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Re: Confidence Hindered from Anxiety
« Reply #3 on: December 05, 2013, 10:16:32 PM »
Well, I can say that, at least for me, whether a guy seems confident in himself doesn't really have any weight on whether or not I'm attracted to them. In fact, a guy being overly confident about himself is kind of a turn off. I agree with what prettyflowerwolf said about approaching in a friend manner. Establishing friendships first is the best route in my opinion. When you're friends with someone, you feel a bit more confident around them anyways, right? I would never consider being involved with a guy romantically without first having him be a friend. So just relax and be yourself and work more toward first establishing friendships vs girlfriends. Also, I know how tough this can be and how hard it will be to go through, but sometimes the best way to get over the fear or being rejected is to be rejected and see that the world still turns.
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My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

Tags: confidence anxiety 

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