You are very brave to tell your story. Please understand that none of what happened is your fault, you were young and naive and taken advantage of by someone older and twisted. Your mother was wrong to blame you for any part of it and I am sorry you had to endure that. I can certainly understand how those experiences would erode your ability to trust people but that ability is not lost, remember that. With time and positive experiences you will be able to reclaim your trust. I will not lie to you, it will take time and it will be hard and you will doubt yourself...but it can be done. How do I know? Because I have been there. Now I will tell you my story.
When I was 15 I was raped by my boyfriend. I thought I loved him and he loved me...then he got drunk one night and well, you can figure what came next. You don't need to hear the details but I'm sure you can understand what it did to me. I couldn't bear to have anyone touch me, I would run away crying when I had to see him at school, and I blamed myself for...well I don't know what for exactly, but in my mind it had somehow been my fault; my fault that he didn't love me, my fault he'd been drinking, just all my fault. Of course this wasn't true but it took me a long time to realize it. Thankfully I had a wonderful grandmother and wonderful friends who, when I finally told them what he had done to me, were incredibly supportive. I spent a lot of time talking to them and crying on them but eventually I was able to let go of the fear and guilt. It was a long time before I had another boyfriend but it did happen, and he was very kind and very sweet and continued to restore my faith in the opposite sex. I am now happily married and have a wonderful relationship with my husband both emotionally and physically.
Being able to talk about what happened to you means that you are ready to begin the healing process. If you are not seeing a counselor now I highly recommend you find one you are comfortable with who specializes in childhood trauma and sexual abuse. Tell them the truth and let them do their job and help you work through this. You are strong and you are brave, never forget that. If I could move past my trauma so can you. Hang in there and keep me posted!
P.S. Feel free to message me if you ever need someone to talk to.