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Author Topic: Need help improving my appearance?  (Read 880 times)

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Offline TammiG278

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Need help improving my appearance?
« on: November 16, 2013, 11:39:27 AM »
I hate being Black girl…it’s a curse. Black girls are deemed the least desirable and least attractive race. Mixed, White, Asian, Latina and Indian girls are usually prettier than Black girls since they have lighter colored skin, nicer facial features and better more manageable hair. I would have been happy if I was born any other race or was at least mixed so I could have had a better chance at looking decent. Black female features are considered unfeminine many people even say that they look men. I always hear people say that, “It’s hard to find a pretty Black girl…she usually has to be mixed to be pretty”. I am so jealous of those Mixed, White, Asian, Latina and Indian girls cause of their better looks and better hair. But since I have to live in this body I want to make myself look as less Black as possible. I have full lips (that are not huge), medium sized nose, brown skin, and coarse/kinky hair – overall I can only fix 2 out of the 4 problems. I plan to lighten my skin and get a weave. I want to lighten my skin simply because it is too dark…well it’s brown but I consider it dark. Dark skin is considered a masculine trait which is why both dark and light skin guys are desired. I know that White girls like to tan to get darker but their goal is to get nice light brown skin nobody wants dark brown skin. Also I want to get a weave because as you all know being Black my hair is coarse/kinky and a nightmare to look at and deal with. Full Black hair is a big turn off to people they always prefer mixed Black hair.

In this world light skin is prettier than dark skin, delicate facial features are prettier than huge/broad facial features, and straight/curly hair is prettier than coarse/kinky hair – that’s just the way it is. Of course not everybody thinks this way but a vast majority of people do. This is why majority of guys even go for light skinned girls who are White, Asian, Latina, Indian or mixed. Many Black guys also choose these girls over Black girls simply because they are generally better looking. There are only few guys that actually like Black girls and those guys are hard to find. I really wish I was one of those pretty light skinned girls so damn bad. I am horrified and hurt that I was born this way. People have always told me to “love myself as I am” which drives me crazy especially when the person who says it is some other race. Maybe it’s easy for them to love themselves but they have no idea how it feels to live being Black. I was bullied all through elementary, middle and high school because of my hair and skin. Also any guy I liked made it perfectly clear that they only wanted the light skinned girls not me. Because of this I developed depression and anxiety issues. I know I got super unlucky being born just Black but I am going to do all that I can to improve my looks. Do you know any good safe skin lightening creams? Do you know any other ideas on how I can improve my appearance?
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Offline fearnot

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Re: Need help improving my appearance?
« Reply #1 on: November 17, 2013, 05:17:19 AM »
The best thing you can do for yourself is to take some time, take a breath and a step back, and pull the focus away from yourself.

You are not the only black girl. In fact, there are millions and millions of black girls in the world. Girls who look very similar to how you look.

Take some time to find someone who has similar features to you, someone whom you think that you can admire. An actress? A singer? Someone similar to you whom you think is attractive. There's got to be a few girls. If can't think of one, keep looking.

When you find one or a few, look at them. What do you think they do make themselves feel and/or be attractive? Some of the things they might do isn't really reasonable, but what are the things you can do?

If a blind person came up to you, what is about you that they could find attractive?

Now spend 90% of your time working on your other qualities beside your appearance. You cannot change the cards you were dealt at birth, but you can use your best cards given to your advantage.
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Offline rattusNor

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Re: Need help improving my appearance?
« Reply #2 on: November 17, 2013, 08:56:06 AM »
“The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.”
― Elisabeth Kübler-Ross


“What you do, the way you think, makes you beautiful.”
― Scott Westerfeld,

“It is amazing how complete is the delusion that beauty is goodness.”
― Leo Tolstoy, The Kreutzer Sonata


Don't believe anything the media tells you...

The system plays on your insecurities in order to control you.

They will tell you that good honest sweat is 'offensive' in order to sell deodorant.

Don't you see how you are setting yourself up for destruction?


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black_is_beautiful

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/07/07/imagine-a-future-doc-screening-essence-festival-_n_3558182.html



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'Avoid the world, it's just a lot of dust and drag and means nothing in the end.'
Jack Kerouac

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Offline Aubie

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Re: Need help improving my appearance?
« Reply #3 on: November 17, 2013, 10:37:25 PM »
You are being way too hard on yourself . Beauty comes in many shapes ,sizes, colors and shades. Mostly ,it comes from inside. Instead of worrying about your skin tone or hair texture work on self esteem. Be confident and proud of who you are!
I am white and my best friend is black. Even though we've only knew each other for a few years it seems like we have known each other forever. We joke that we were seperated at birth. LOL We don't *see* color when we look. At each other , and sure we both have flaws , but that's not important. What is important is the way we treat people. A big smile (even when we don't feel happy) is one of the best coverups for a perceived flaw. And it's free!

I'm sure you are a beautiful a young woman and I hope you find happiness and acceptance from within.
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Offline tinam7

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Re: Need help improving my appearance?
« Reply #4 on: November 18, 2013, 08:24:33 AM »
Honestly we humans are by and large a disgusting lot. Think of the past and what can still happen today. But, Tammi, times are thankfully changing, baby steps for the better. Look at the wonderful posts here.

You can make yourself beautiful from the inside out. Your smile, your sparkle, your glow, your mind can dazzle anyone. Don't worry about the fellas. They can give anyone a headache regardless of ethnicity. Plenty of time for them. You have the opportunity to develop yourself from inside out and perhaps aim to help others do the same. Hurray for that. Can add that my features were never great but I refused to undergo any nonsense to change anything. Did have my shape, was always good in gym and always enjoyed dressing neatly and attractively. You write beautifully, so glad you posted.
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Offline Cuchculan

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Re: Need help improving my appearance?
« Reply #5 on: November 18, 2013, 01:55:32 PM »
I have to get in on this topic. I may as well begin by saying I am from Ireland. With my milk bottle tan. Or Casper the ghost look. But heck if I look around the place I see plenty of beautiful black people. Not that they are actually black. Suppose if you put them standing next to me they would stand out a bit more because I am that white. You do have some idiots who like to think they are better than other races. But those morons all belong together. One mindset between them. The same mindset Hitler once had. Black people, to use your wording, have stood up and let themselves be heard for years. Some of the greatest speeches ever made have been from the mouths of black people. They fought to get places in the world. Us Irish are known as  ' The Blacks of Europe '. So we tell everybody we are black. It confuses them. Here you have some of the palest people on the face of this Earth telling people they are black. In England years ago they used to hang signs in shop windows saying ' No Blacks, No Irish, No Dogs '. So we adopted the black image for ourselves and we stood side by side. The main music I listen to is called Ska music. It is a mixture of black and white artists forming bands. Joining the two races as one. Some of the female singers are hot. Just Google the name Pauline Black. Used to be the lead singer with a band named ' The Selecter '. Wow. But Ska is like a faster version of Reggae music. So I do listen to reggae music too. You got yourself some beautiful females there too. All black. My image is that of a Skinhead. I keep my head shaved. Wear my doc martin boots. Now you do have these Neo Nazi idiots who have robbed this whole image from those of us who are into ska music and turned it into a racist image thing. It really annoys me. It annoys people who are into ska music. People can judge you by the image alone. So on my own sites I like to display a sign called ' SHARP '. Skinheads against racial prejudice. Lot of stunners out there who are black. Should be proud of who you are. Walk with your head held high. Black and beautiful.
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Offline BrookeAshley1

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Re: Need help improving my appearance?
« Reply #6 on: December 03, 2013, 12:20:15 PM »
I wanted to comment on this because I've been where you are before and honestly, sometimes I still am.

I am half hispanic. So, I guess I'm considered "mixed" in some ways. I grew up without my dad, who is Puerto Rican. I have to sisters from a different dad, and they are both white. I hated being different to the point that I wouldn't admit to anyone that I was hispanic. So I understand how you feel with being ashamed of your nationality.

However, black girls are not deemed unattractive at all. I think its a perspective that you have that's not entirely accurate. I had the same view of myself, i thought hispanic girls are always looked down on and we arent considered attractive. I hated my body and my hair cause it is really curly. I usually still straighten it. I went as far as lightening my hair a lot because my hair is actually quite dark. None of those changes helped me feel better. I finally realized the pain of feeling bad about myself is from within, and no amount of changes to my appearance were going to help me. The love for yourself has to come from the inside first. I know it's difficult, as I still struggle daily with it. I have the feeling of hating having to live in my body. It's a hard feeling to describe and its an awful feeling to have. There are many attractive black girls and trust me, they are not looked down on. You ladies have a lot of great features and you should be proud of your background. I hope you find some comfort and accept yourself the way you are, cause each individual person has a unique look and you should embrace yours!
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Offline anxiouskathie

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Re: Need help improving my appearance?
« Reply #7 on: December 03, 2013, 01:07:08 PM »
Ones heart, acts of kindness and demeanor exude beauty.....In my opinion, skin color has nothing to do with beauty.  When I die, I want folks to remember me for the acts of kindness I showed them and how I felt about things within my heart.....I don't want to die and folks say "well, she sure had great hair"........

Just take care of yourself, eat healthy, exercise, and do the basic functions in life and let the beauty flow from within and it will radiate to your outer self.
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Offline Stressed Jumper

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Re: Need help improving my appearance?
« Reply #8 on: December 03, 2013, 02:44:50 PM »
Everyone else who has posted has mentioned inner beauty and I agree with them completely...but here is a bit of outer beauty commentary from a white girl:  A while ago I worked with some of the most beautiful women I have ever known and they were all black.  I envied them their ability to wear bright eyeshadows and look awesome as opposed to clownish like when I try to rock those colors.  Bright colored clothes looked beautiful against their skin whereas they just make me look washed out and beige.  And holy hair/weave/wig options!  No matter what race/hair color/eye color/hair texture/etc. you it always seems like everyone else has it better; trust me, they don't.  You don't need to lighten your skin any more than I need to darken mine, you just need to learn to feel beautiful in your own body, like a lot of other lovely black women out there:  Jennifer Hudson, Jada Pinkett-Smith, Rihanna, etc. for example.  Heck, Gabourney Sidibe is not only black but plus-sized and she carries herself like a queen...and everyone treats her as such for that very reason! Inner beauty is in all of us, outer beauty is in the eye of the beholder.  Behold yourself beautiful and everyone else will agree!
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Offline Faust

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Re: Need help improving my appearance?
« Reply #9 on: December 04, 2013, 03:19:36 PM »
Tyra Banks is black and she's one of the prettiest women I have ever seen! 

I agree with other people, though, you're being way too hard on yourself. 

By the way, I wish I had thick/course hair.  I'm caucasian but I have thin, 'Asianish' hair.  I think you're extremely lucky to have course hair.
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Offline zaft

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Re: Need help improving my appearance?
« Reply #10 on: March 12, 2014, 07:44:35 PM »
Did you see Lupita Nyong'o (Best Actress in a Supporting Role) at the Oscars? :sprachlos020: Gorgeous! Full lips, medium sized nose, brown skin, and coarse/kinky hair: http://www.imdb.com/media/rm550226432/nm2143282?ref_=nmmi_mi_all_evt_23

Don't lighten your skin! Have you seen Sammy Sosa? http://i.huffpost.com/gen/117074/thumbs/s-SAMMY-SOSA-SKIN-large.jpg
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Offline CNikki

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Re: Need help improving my appearance?
« Reply #11 on: March 18, 2014, 10:40:47 PM »
Unfortunately this is the result of what the media tries to implant onto other people about beauty. The tan, blonde girl is automatically considered a goddess to men, no matter what they do.

You're right that many of us may not know how it is. But you shouldn't have to hate yourself and your skin and consider it as a curse that you were born like that either. If all guys never wanted to have a woman with darker skin, would there be any left at this present age? To know that your skin type and many people who have it are here shows that there's a beg to differ.

Using creams and whatnot is up to you since it's your body. But there's still deeper issues going on that the creams cannot take away in itself. Even if you hate when people say that you need to love yourself, that's pretty much the reason why you're feeling this way because you are not taking it and let the exact opposite take control of you.

I'm sorry that you are feeling this way and that you've encountered many people rejecting you because of your skin. You're not the one in the wrong for being the skin type that you are born with. Nobody should feel this way at all no matter what color you are if it's one issue I can even say that people shouldn't have a problem when it comes to their image. One can be the lightest skin toned and can still feel like the most hideous thing in the world and not feel just as good enough either, so I'm just saying that skin color or change of it is not the real or at least big solution to the problem.

Take care of yourself. x
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Offline Ineedtosmile

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Re: Need help improving my appearance?
« Reply #12 on: April 26, 2014, 12:05:30 PM »
Why would you hate being black, I like black girl, I find them cute, and more mature looking than other races an that is what i like, believe me when i say tat there is a bunch of white girls that would love to be black :) Life is about knowing how to play the cards you have in your hands, and i dont think your cards are bad :)
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Offline Myocdragon

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Re: Need help improving my appearance?
« Reply #13 on: April 26, 2014, 01:18:56 PM »
You know what I hate about myself? My height. I'm 5'6". I also hate my unibrow I have to pluck and maintain. And I wish I had better pores. And I have one tooth that's slightly crooked. It's not visible but it bothers me and makes me feel inferior. My hairline isn't what it used to be either.

But am I really the hideous monster I tell myself I am? My gorgeous wife doesn't seem to think so. And every once in a while I'll catch a glimpse of my reflection in a window or something and before I recognize it's me I'm looking at, my constantly evaluating mind thinks, "that lucky guy is better looking than I am."

I don't think it would make a difference if I were taller, or you were some idealized combination of genetics. It's not our appearance that's letting us down, it's the beasts that live in our heads: the depressions, anxieties, OCDs, cognitive errors. It's the lies they tell us. All the "if only this" and the "what if that's" they continually whisper or shout. Every thought we have is filtered through these beasts and the only thoughts they let through are the bad thoughts. They hoard all the good thoughts for themselves.

The bad news is that I can't grow taller, you can't become Indian. The good news is we don't need to. If you want to be beautiful, treat the beasts through therapy and or meds. Put them in their place. Once you've done that, once those terrible filters are gone, or at least smaller, you'll be surprised by how beautiful you are and always were.
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