First, forgive me as I write in a journal style format...
I am a 37 year old male. My GAD started 2+ years ago, just a month after one of my twin newborn daughters passed away from post heart surgery complications. She was 20 days old. I had a panic attack that sent me the ER. Shortly after, I visited my GP who prescribed xanax for the anxiety.... I was reluctant to take it b/c of the addictive tendencies, but I did. A month later, I was prescribed an antidepressant b/c my anxiety had turned into depression. I didn't realize at the time that the human brain could experience such a low place..... I also began seeing a counselor that helped tremendously. My diet before the panic attack was terrible, i.e. fast food, rockstar, 2-3 vente coffees/day.... it was a major contributor I am sure.
A year went by and my GP and I decided I was doing well enough to taper off of the AD. I was completely off of meds by September 2012. During the holidays of 2012, I went back in to a depressive episode as a result of grief. The anxiety attacks came back, but I knew it was related to grief.
In January of 2013, I found out I was being laid off from a 13 year career. I went back to my GP, b/c I felt the depression and anxiety coming back. This time, he put me on Lexapro. I have been looking for employment since then.
Currently: I exercise (crossfit 4x/wk), eat well (90% paleo),no caffeine, soda, or processed foods, sleep decently, still see a counselor, still growing in my faith, still looking for employment, and still take 20mg of Lexapro and xanax as needed (.5mg every two weeks or so).
Mornings tend to be the worst even though I work out almost every morning. Afternoons are better and I am usually pretty tired by night time. I have a lot of random "what if" thoughts every day and they tend to surround my health or the thought of not being around to raise my living daughter. I over analyze every little ache and pain I get as if it's something more. Even if I know I strained a muscle at the gym, I don't seem to realize that it's just a strained muscle.
I started taking L-theanine (amino acid supplement) hoping it will help. I think it has.... The Xanax is great in a pinch, but I don't want to become dependent on this. I get frustrated b/c I used to be able to come to conclusions fairly quickly, i.e. pulled muscle as a result of working out is simply just that.... nothing more. Now I seem to think it's something more, until I convince myself that it's a pulled muscle which requires ice, heat, stretching, etc.
I hear about acquaintances that are battling health issues and I think/fear that I am next..... Even though I don't know their circumstances or why they have those issues.
GAD sucks and I sometimes have difficulty accepting it. I also found out that it runs in my family.... I have talked with a few relatives that have dealt with it.... some have chosen to drink, others have chosen to seek healthier ways to work through it....
My wife is very supportive of the treatment options we have chosen, but I sometimes feel like I talk to much about my issues and it annoys her. I don't want to burden her with my irrational fears, but she gets me and understands why I'm reacting this way....
Looking for any input you may have. Thanks for taking the time to read.