Let me start by clarifying that I am not so much scared of the dentist as i am scared of the medications and also what it means that i have to have this work done.
Just over a year ago I went to have a tooth extracted. As expected, the concept of the medication in that needle sent me into a panic. It took about 15 minutes before i could actually let them do it. The dentist had to promise me that my throat wasn't going to close over and that it wasnt going to kill me. He said a prayer, which was a nice touch, but im not religious so it wasnt that effective. All of which was stupid because Ive had this same injection before, I've had 3 other wisdom teeth removed. I know nothing will happen, but I still worry.
While there I had a full xray done. I was expecting to need more work, what i wasnt expecting was that he would suggest i have 3 more teeth pulled and replaced with a partial denture. He only suggested the denture because 2 of these teeth are visible when i smile. He said, personally he wouldnt bother, but it bothers me.
I knew I didn't have the best teeth in the world, but I brushed regularly and tried to look after them. Unfortunately not good enough. That combined with bad genetics and my anxiety lead me to this point.
I was going through a set of sessions with a psychologist at the time which luckily helped. With her guidance I was scared, but ready to take the step and have the teeth removed. All I was waiting for was the call from the dentist with the quote.... but he never rang.
I was at this time I discovered my husbands infidelity, teeth that didnt hurt suddenly took a back seat.
Fast forward a year. The main offender tooth caused me a major toothache one evening last week and I suddenly just lost it. Not because of the pain, but because I knew what it meant. I couldn't put it off any longer.
My GAD and depression kicked into overdrive. I was panicking and crying and all I wanted to do was either talk until I felt better or had some sort of answer, or pass out from exhaustion. The later of which I eventually did.
5 days later I still havent really eaten, not unless a handful of McDs fries and some blueberries counts as a meal. I am still crying and I've taken the week off work.
Tomorrow is my dentist appointment.
I am prepared for the fact that I will cry and i know I will probably look silly. I've tried to find a dentist who has a reputation as being good for people with anxiety, but as i mentioned above, i also have a fear of medication, so simply sedating me isnt the answer here.
as much as the medication is scary, as much as dentists are yuck, my anxiety lies in what this says about me.
In my head:
- only old people and crack heads have dentures, even partials
- people will think differently of me, they will think less of me
- people will think I am gross
- my partner will leave me and nobody else will want to be with me
- I wont be able to look at myself in the mirror
I don't know how to do this. I don't know how to not hate myself for being this person, this isn't who i was meant to be.
I don't know how to not go further into my anxiety and depression after these teeth are pulled.
I just don't know.
If anyone has any suggestions on how to deal with the fear of medication, any tips would be appreciated.
If anyone has experienced these feelings in regards to your personal perception and what others think of you, I would love your insight.