I don't have any tact and I never was good at it. People HATE me for it! I used to think that I was weird and creepy, the central belief that drove my Social Phobia, but nowadays I am starting to think that other things such as being tactless are the real source of my social problems.
Basically it seems I am tactless in several ways. First, I do not recognize when I might be saying or doing something inappropriate. This is due to a variety of reasons including my social phobia. Second, I often say or do something tactless even though I know it might cause offense because I don't realize it is an actual problem. I think the issue is with the other person. Third, I behave without tact although I know it will cause offense, because I feel like I must do it or else suffer some horrible consequence (such as massive anxiety, pain, or social destruction).
On the one hand realizing the cost of being tactless is painful and depressing. On the other hand, however, it is relieving and boosts my self-esteem because it directly challenges the belief that I am weird and creepy. Either way however, it is hard to shake the thought that I am a victim! It is odd because perceiving myself as a victim is one of the direct causes of my on-going tactless behavior. I often attack others or behave inappropriately because I believe that if I do not I will be victimized or because I want revenge against my "oppressors". It is a cycle of self-reinforcing dysfunctional thinking and behavior.
No matter what the real causes people only perceive it one way: that I am an asshole who they should avoid
. It is no wonder that I have been rejected so frequently. Here are some examples of my past behavior and the reasons for it:
1. In middle school the teacher told a bunch of girls who were idly sucking lolipops to help out. I replied that "they're girls, that's what they do best.". I actually was being literal but they took it as a sexual put-down. The cause: poor social skills due to general anxiety disorder.
2. I told a female bar-tender that my friend's little brother was a "b%#@h" for not taking the shot I demanded he took. Cause: I was drunk and thought that if I backed down from what I was going to say I would be giving into the feminist oppressor.
3. I told a guy I knew how annoying and disgusting this hot girl was for obnoxiously flaunting her body at a party the night before. I did it in front of a girl was buddies with. She got really offended and her whole crew of people cut me off. Cause: I was excited that for once I cared about a girl's negative behavior enough to be turned of by her. I didn't realize the girl buddy would be offended because of bad social skills due to social phobia. I actually didn't realize what had caused them to act that way for another 3 or 4 months.
4. I showed this girl who had worked with mentally challenged children a song I made making fun of mentally challenged people. I did it after she told me she didn't want to hear it. Cause: I thought she was lying.
5. I told my house mate's really hot cousin that people who don't party are "lame-tards". Cause: I felt that she knew I was a inferior and I wanted to take the heat off of me by deflecting it onto others. That is, if I was going to take a hit then they should too. It wasn't entirely conscious but that is the process. This was a defense mechanism I had due to my social phobia.
6. I got really angry at some girl I was going to hook up with because she insisted we talk about dating and where things were going first. Cause: I thought she was scheming to use me for her personal ego boost and that everything she was doing was a step in the manipulation that would leave me looking like a loser while she laughed at how pathetic I was. This was part of a suite of paranoid beliefs I used to have.
7. I invited this unattractive girl to hang out with me in my room late at night to watch a movie even though I knew she was into me. I didn't try to hook up with her and that ended up really hurting her and driving her crazy. She had issues. Cause: I didn't realize it would be a big deal because subconsciously I believed that it was her problem and that if I didn't get to act like I wanted then I wasn't a real man. This is part of my social phobia which revolves around being weird/creepy/pathetic.
And there are hundreds of other examples though most aren't as bad as those I just described.