Hi all. I'd like to introduce myself. I have a history of OCD, GAD, and SAD (mental condition runs in the family, father's side) but the most bothersome are OCD and GAD -- both causes sever panic attacks (when they're on full force) and causes me not to be able to sleep. Currently, I'm having a really bad bout of anxiety which is causing me difficulty in sleeping (my mind won't shut down and my heart won't stop racing) which in turn sends me into more anxiety. This vicious cycle is quite tormenting.
I used to sleep very easily and I am even thinking I was a narcoleptic but now it seems as though I've forgotten how to sleep. I can sleep maybe a total of 2-3 hours per day but with much difficulty (need background noise). I feel deeply saddened because I used to enjoy sleeping. Now, it seems like I'm scared of it.
I know it's the thought of not sleeping that's causing me to *not be able to sleep easily* but as you all know, anxiety is irrational. I just want my old life back. I'm normally a very happy person but this has taken a toll on me. It's been a week and I am not able to concentrate at all. I feel sad all the time. Nothing makes me genuinely happy.
I've never taken any medication or have undergone any CBT or have gone to a psychiatrist. I've had GAD and OCD bouts before and I even had panic attacks but through reading online, I was able to manage for some years. But now, they're back with a vengeance because the root cause of my anxiety is sleep and I don't know how to handle this. With other ugly thoughts, I can have some respite (by sleeping) and by not encountering much triggers throughout the day. But sleep, it's a different monster altogether as the trigger is a very specific time of the day. My heart would just *automatically* race as I will try to sleep and it's hard to *unthink* the obsession of not being able to sleep. Sometimes, even during daytime, in anticipation of the night, but a bit tolerable as have control over it.
Sorry if my introduction is quite long. My real issue is... I've always thought I can manage without meds as I'm afraid of being dependent on them. I also feel like I'm validating that there's something wrong with me by taking them. But now, I think they're my only hope of ever feeling *normal* again and I should accept that yes, there's something wrong with how my brain is wired. I'd rather take medicine than be like this. I think my nervous system is so stressed and have been on the *fight or flight* mode for so long and my mere thinking cannot turn it *off*.
Any advice from anyone when it was their first time taking meds? Do you have the anxiety of being dependent on them? How are you so far with medication? Can they really help me? I mean, how can a small pill make me feel normal again? Right now, it feels like that would be equal to sorcery and magic. But I'm willing to give it a chance.
Thanks for listening.