I am new to posting on Anxiety Forums but am in desperate need for someone to talk to. This is a pretty long story so I appreciate anyone that reads it and can maybe help me out.
Basically, I have been married for about 2 months to a wonderful man. Our wedding and honeymoon were fantastic. About 2 weeks after our honeymoon my friend wanted to have a “girls night out”. Now I am in my late 20’s and used to go out to the bars and drink all the time, this has since changed just due to a different lifestyle. Anyway the night was fun; we had dinner and several drinks. However, as the night went on, maybe around 1 AM a group of guys started dancing and flirting with us. Some even bought us a few drinks. I told them all that I was happily married and was not interested in them “like that”. However, I did dance/talk/flirt/drink with one of them for about 45 min- 1 hour. At the end of the night we left, no phone numbers exchange or anything of that nature, the girls and I went home and went to bed. That night I didn’t feel like it was a big deal. Well I woke up the next day racked with anxiety and guilt, I immediately told my husband that we were dancing with a group of guys. I didn’t get into every detail. This has happened before in our 6 year relationship and I have told him about it. Each time he said, if nothing more happened (i.e. kissing or phone number exchange) than he doesn’t need to know AND that he doesn’t tell me if he dances with other girls. But now 3 weeks later I CANNOT stop thinking about it. I want to bring it up to him every chance I can and lay out every single detail of the night (even the guy telling me I was hot etc.). I won’t do this because I know it will only make ME feel better temporarily (getting it off my chest) and him feel worse. Its gotten to the point where I can’t even sit near him because I feel like I am going to explode with guilt and what I think is the saddest part, I can’t look back on our wedding day/honeymoon and feel happy. I just think about how bad of a person I am for talking and flirting with someone else. I really do not know what to do at this point, I have talked to my friends and they all said I was fine, I have been seeing a therapist (but don’t have an appointment until next week), and I think my mom and sister are sick of hearing me talk about it.
Is this a side effect of anxiety/obsessive thoughts etc.? I feel like a normal person wouldn’t be this upset about a fun little night out with the girls but I honestly just feel so desperate at the moment.