I am seriously concerned about the fact that I might be developing schizophrenia and its literally been eating me from the inside out. ( As a little back story, I used to think I had a whole bunch of health issues ranging from diabetes to cancer but those only lasted a few days where as this schizophrenia one has been lasting WEEKS, also prior to this I was suffering from HOCD, which is now gone because the schitz anxiety took over my list of worries)
I believe this all started when I was watching the news and saw a person with schizophrenia shoot a bunch of people because he believed that everyone was against him; this made my health anxieties come back with a vengeance.
I'll list some of the symptoms and abnormalities that I have been experiencing:
Constant "googling" of symptoms; its hard to to stop even though it makes me feel better when I do ( I kid you not, but i've spent hours researching about schizophrenia, so much that I can tell you all of the early symptoms and everything you'd need to know about it.
I'm always concerned about my mental well being
I'm aware of every little aspect that happens in my body and in the environment
I dont have any delusions or anything like that, although sometimes I start to questions myself on whether or not im delusional or not
I am very hygienic
I sometimes (7-10 times in a day) have trouble expressing and articulating my thoughts out loud, for instance when I'm speaking i sometimes forget the word that i want to say and then I have to use some "speech fillers" ( you know , uh ,ah) or sometimes i will say the sentence but it's not grammatically correct and I have to repeat the sentence all over again to restructure it (this rarely happens.) These symptoms only happen frequently when im under a lot of anxiety. Ex: Sometimes I have trouble with um articulating my words and sentences.
HALLUCINATIONS! this one is the worst because since im so anxious all of the time my ears are constantly picking up the slightest sound in my environment, so every time I hear something peculiar i have too find the root of the sound or else my brain will tell me that im hearing voices and that im hallucinating and then Ill probably have a panic attack. I do not hear any voices and sometimes when i want to prove to my self that i don't, ill find a quiet room and literally sit there waiting for a voice to come, but it never has and I am great-full for that. Since im so anxious all of the time I noticed a dramatic increase in floaters, which my brain tells are hallucinations sometimes and that sends me into panic mode. I sometimes see a "shadow" or something moving in a peripheral vision but when I look, nothing is there, these are pretty bad because the thoughts about going crazy and developing schizophrenia are even more present. Yesterday, i almost had a case of a severe panic attack, I was sitting in my car listening to music and feeling the anxiety when all of the sudden I looked at the window and saw what appeared to be reflection of my face for 2 seconds, ( this was at night) it could have been the lamp post shining light at my window or the a reflection of the chair in the front seat where my grandma was sitting because the chair and my skin are the same hue but i digress. I almost had a mental breakdown at that point because my brain would think that this is evidence that I am developing schizophrenia, so whenever I want to prove to myself that im not schizo, it just dosen't work because ill just remember that day.
Other then those things I dont show any other symptom of schizophrenia
This has also been making me kind of depressed over the past few days because I have been reading that schizophrenia could be a mental disability and that you dont live as long as regular people, and since I have a dream of becoming a doctor one day this is really crushing me because I can do work if I were to have hallucinations all of the time.
This is a really distressing thing to me, if you could please just provide me with some reassurance or anything like that, it would be very great-full