I’m so heartbroken right now…I need advice on how to get over this woman. I wound up being in a love triangle which has driven me into therapy but I need some additional advice, criticism, feedback…whatever it is…I just need to hear it. I met this woman online in February 2013 and during the first month I didn’t snatch her up and ask her to be in a relationship with me like I should have. She liked me a lot more than I did her during that time but she didn’t pursue me either. We spent some weekends together but never actually became an exclusive couple. We eventually went our separate ways and dated others.
In May 2013 I came back into her life and we started going out. Unfortunately she had been seeing a guy for two months but she said she loved me, had always loved me and would break it up with this guy. Eventually, she asked for her house key back from him and told him she wanted to see other people. However she did not tell him specially that the reason for the breakup was me. She had always said that she had never left one man for another man and she didn’t want to start now. However, she never actually stopped seeing this other guy and she continued to see me as well. She and I traveled extensively over the next three months taking trips out of state, hotels, bed and breakfasts, DC on the 4th of July, Atlantic City..etc and having the best times. She was honest with me about still seeing him and she would tell me when she would see him…which I hated but I accepted. She was with me much more than she was with him but it still bothered me that she wouldn’t commit to me. She always lied to him when she was with me…..and as hurtful as it is to admit…she would always post our trips on her 0409 page but I was never tagged or even shown in photos. Her photos consisted of things such as the hotel we were at, sunsets on the beach, the restaurants we went to…several shows…but never once was I shown on 0457 with her. I have many photos of us together on these vacations but out of respect I didn’t post them on my 0457 page either. I let her control the situation. I know I’m such a fool but she said she was just trying to spare his feelings. I accepted it because I was hoping that I would eventually be with her forever. She said she was very confused and often questioned why I didn’t grab her back in February when I had the chance. She was scared that maybe if she left this guy and then I decided I didn’t want to be with her anymore she would have lost both of us. I wish I could go back in time and grab her for myself but obviously I can’t. However since coming back into her life in May I treated this girl like a queen. Trust me on this and she knows it too. I began loving this woman everyday more and more. She told me every day she loved me as well. She said she loved this other guy too but her love for me was different - with me she had such passion. She was IN love with me versus just loving the other guy. She said if the other guy left or dated someone else it wouldn’t be a huge deal…but if I were to leave or date someone else it would destroy her. She made me feel so special…and she was so much fun…and I found her beautiful. She’s 33 years old and had been diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis since she was 19 which could debilitate her in her future…yet I never cared. I would be there for her forever.Anyway, this love triangle went on for months…it took its toll on me…I lost close to 40 lbs. in less than 3 months from the stress…she lost almost 20 lbs. because the situation was having its effect on both of us. And we both saw our PCPs and each of us were prescribed anxiety medication.
The scenario was not good.So…about two weeks ago I take her out to eat…we have drinks…we’re having a great time. We go back to her place and it’s around 1AM…still having a great time. We’re having some wine, eating some food…barely dressed…it’s literally the best time of my life to be honest…and then there’s a bang on the door and it’s him. He yelled inside that he knew I was there because my car was out front. I knew she wouldn’t just allow him to stand outside and bang on the door so I opened the door…and to make a long story short…she asked me to leave and he stayed…and I never saw her again. I’m disgusted. I’m completely heartsick. I am so heartbroken. I know she used me…but I’m devastated. I loved this girl so much. I’m like a walking zombie. My life feels like it has no meaning now. They have both since changed their 0457 photos to show them as a couple plus she unfriended on 0457 me because she said it’s to protect my feelings so I don’t have to look at them. She no longer calls me or texts me so I know it’s over. She has committed to return to me a beautiful diamond sapphire ring (not an engagement ring) that I purchased and gave her because she said she doesn’t deserve it after what she put me through. Why do I feel like this? I’m so distressed I can’t think straight. I go to sleep thinking of her. I dream about her.
Couple of facts:
Based on her upbringing she has detachment issues. Instead of dealing with issues head on, she has always dealt with negativity by putting on a happy face and going out with friends. (She has admitted this to me multiple times) Basically she doesn’t really feel the emotional pain that most people feel. When I told her how devastated I was and told her that she had “No idea” of the pain that she has caused me…she apologized and replied (sincerely) that she wished she knew how I felt.She had told me on several occasions that everything was fine between her and this guy before I came back into the picture. (Maybe it’s true…but she didn’t have to let me back in her life)
When she did go out with him while dating me she would tag him in 0409 and show them together which made me feel awful to know she would do that with him but not me. She claimed it was because people assumed they were still dating. ]He played it cool and allowed her space…I didn’t. I bugged her constantly about leaving him and when she and I could be together. I probably chased her away with my nagging.She actually blamed me for opening the door that evening and said she couldn’t forgive me for doing that. Because of this she has now told me even if they don’t work as a couple she could never be with me. Can someone make sense of what happened to me?? After all of this though…I still want her. I need to get over her and also resist the urge to call her. I don’t know who’s sicker…her or me??? Can someone please tell me when this pain will subside? I used to be this healthy person but now I’m on sleep medication, anxiety medication and something else prescribed to calm my nerves. I’m a freaking mess. My heart is in a million pieces.