Now let me start and say that I do not have an OCD diagnosis nor do I think I have OCD, but I am curious about something. Does anyone have obsessions about not being good enough in general? Not capable, too self-centered, too lazy, all or some of the above or something similar?
Well, I've never been one to have a high level of self-confidence. I have a big guilt complex about even small things, etc. Sometimes it's been no issue at all, almost funny with the trivial things I apologize for. Other times it can be more bothersome.
Lately though, it's like I'm having trouble escaping the negative self-thoughts. Even GOOD things I turn around in my head. I hear about a great humanitarian....and my main thought isn't "She's amazing!" (though that's there too) but "I am an inferior human compared to her". Even when I receive a compliment from a patient, I sometimes lately feel like a fraud, because my thoughts immediately go to someone else who I might not have felt like I helped or reached out to as well. Or, I baked cookies for my neighbor. She lost her son last year in an accident and they are still having a terrible time dealing with it. She thanked me and said she was lucky to have us for neighbors. And my first thought was guilt-That I didn't do more for them right after he died.
Would you consider these obsessions? I'm not depressed....I feel pretty confident in saying that. I have anxiety and fatigue, but no anhedonia and I'm not SAD or angry. I feel very capable of enjoying things. So, I guess it just seems weird that this summer I've worked more on being healthy, tried hard at work to have a positive attitude and yet, these negative self image thoughts are MORE pervasive.
In the end I suppose the label for the thoughts don't matter. I am going to be getting a CBT workbook next week and work very diligently on that, and will be following up with my doc in the next couple weeks to share these newer insights