Well...maybe a little step forward!
I've had a very hard time with my doctor appointments. I first went in for my pain issues....a truly medical wrist injury, and then later for severe neck muscle tension, which led down the road of stress and the anxiety and that whole deal. (oh, and another for my mitral valve prolapse)
Anyway, I have trouble because being a medical practitioner who has been a generally healthy person I often don't think this symptom or that WARRANTS going to the doctor so I feel as though I am wasting her time (NOT a perception I get from her at all, it's just me) and that becomes a point of anxiety itself, obsessing over whether I should schedule, then debating canceling an appointment. If the appointment was two weeks in advance for example, so 14 days, I would have that debate in my head at least five or six of those days, several times during the day. (I'm sure some fellow forum members can relate)
Well this week, when I was having severe nervousness and some panic, and knew I just needed to give my body a break, without letting myself have the half-hour debate about bothering her, I sent her a text requesting hydroxyzine (let me note that this is her preferred way of communication outside the office as she is only there once per week and our in-office message system is horrendous. And I did this during the workweek, so I wasn't overstepping my bounds)
Anyway, I really overexplained that. Anyway, my point being that I let myself be a patient for that moment instead of a "oh my colleague is going to think I'm annoying/weak/insert other word of choice here"
So that was good.
And I planned on waiting until my physical in January to follow-up on the anxiety, but I think I want to talk to her before then. So Monday I'll schedule an appointment without self-judgment and second guessing. Done.