I have a pretty good idea of what "programmed" that guilt-complex into me yes. Family dynamics....alcholic father. Functional, he was always very responsible and held down the same job for thirty years. In many ways a great father. But also a perfectionist, house was never clean enough for his liking, and he got very angry when drinking. Never physical, but oh the yelling.He was always tougher on my older sister than me and since I adored her this made me feel badly. I always tried to downplay my accomplishments because I didn't want to make her jealous. I'm realizing more recently this minimizing of my accomplishments has kind of persisted. I married before she did, and it honestly took her a long time to deal with that (as the older sister with a long term boyfriend this really bothered her).
Fair to note that also, my mom left my dad last year....one week before my daughter was born, so that was quite the shakeup. So there's that nagging voice in the back of my mind "If only we had been able to convince them to go into counseling"
It was drilled into me since I was a child that "family is everything" Of all the prinicples and values they taught us, that was foremost. Which is NOT a bad thing. But I think ironically was what made some of these things so challenging. The black and white. The need to play down happy things in my life because my sister's feelings mattered more. The feeling for a long time that I didn't have the "right" to be upset at my dad because he was good to us in so many ways. And what happens with the "family is everything" concept when that breaks up? Because it wasn't just my parents relationship that ended. So did my mom's relationship with a sister in law who was more like a sister, a stepson she knew since he was three, and stepgrandchildren she may never get to see again....
Anyway, that's it in a nutshell.