I'm just extremely scared about the fact that i even get these thoughts.
Kevin - I've been there. The worst of what you will go through with this is NOW, you are experiencing the worst NOW because it is all new to you and because it is new it is, as you have said yourself SCARY.
Trust me it really does get better, a lot better.
Imagine watching a scary movie for the first time, how would you feel? Now imagine watching that movie a second time, how would you feel?, now imagine watching that same movie for the 100th time how would you feel?, would you even be interested at this point?
Well that is what is going on in your head now - you are just IMAGINING a SCARY movie in your head, Now its the SCARIEST movie ever, because you are the star of the movie and it FEELS real, but it is still only a movie, your mind is still only playing make believe and the only thing wrong is that you BELIEVE that the make believe might come true.
Just like when we get absorbed in a good movie - you are absorbed in the scariest movie of all time, so no wonder you're worried!!!!.
But believe me it gets better and easier to cope with once you realise that its only your mind using its imagination and creating movies. Once you've seen that movie a few times then you will feel less scared - once you've seen that movie playing for the 100th time - you'll just flick the channels because you can't be bothered watching that again - because YOU KNOW what is going to happen next, etc!!
Now your mind might go on to creating more movies once you get bored with this one (that's how we swap from one anxiety to the next BTW), because by the sound of it YOU are a fantastic DIRECTOR and SCREEN-WRITER as well (aren't we all!!
So these new movies will scare you as well, until you realise that all you are doing is creating a new movie, because the old one got boring. Our minds are fantastic at IMAGINING stuff, its what they do best, the ONLY trouble is we BELIEVE what it is they imagine!!!!
This is why KNOWLEDGE of what is going on is the key to FREEDOM.
NOT KNOWING THAT THIS IS WHAT IS HAPPENING IS HOW WE GET TRAPPED IN ANXIETY.
It is not complex, we just make it complex by not seeing what is really going on.
All you are doing is IMAGINING scary stuff -you don't know that, panic sets in and traps you in more anxiety.
IF you don't realise this then I Will make a prediction - you will get bored of this particular movie in a couple of weeks and invent a new one to scare yourself with, creating more fear and anxiety, which will create more symptoms to worry yourself with, etc, etc. etc. ........................
If you do realise this, then I will make a prediction - you will get bored of this movie and become less anxious. Then once you forget that your mind is full of IMAGINATION, you have a talent for it, etc. you will make another SCARY STORY up, another MOVIE, another scenario - not immediately, but somewhere down the line you will fall for ANOTHER storyline because you have forgotten how it all works and so you will BELIEVE it whole-heartedly and scare yourself witless. BUT - this time it will be different, this time you will remember what you realised the last time - and apply that KNOWLEDGE to this time, and this time, you will drop the anxiety a lot quicker.
And this is how it works.
Trust me - once you know that, once you realise it's just your IMAGINATION (all anxiety sufferers have fantastic imaginations - that's how we get into so much trouble!!!) making scary stories, you will begin to get less anxious, less bothered - that's a promise.
I wish you well.