Mine has been perfect, haaaaaaaaaahahaha. Wait, wrong movie.
Ok. So I had a crazy anxiety/adrenaline rush yesterday because I picked back traditional drawing. Why is that? Well, fear of failing was one. Then, the probability of being caught in the act by my family was another stressor. My father's all grumpy and serious and lacks any sort of humor, so i don't want him to catch me doing that. Same goes for my mother. WHICH IS TOTALLY SILLY, because she's the most kind and understanding mother a child could possibly have. Paranoid much? Oh yes. I plead guilty to that.
So I spend the rest of the night worrying. Not consciously, mind you. I did some other things meanwhile, but the thought of "unfinished business" lingered in the back of my mind until I went to bed, where a panic attack lurked. "ok, get on with it," I said. "Bring on the pain." The bloody coward refused to show its ugly face. I admit I got a bit scared and applied a slow breathing technique to get calmer, and it succeeded. But was that the right thing to do? I don't know. Panic attacks are a good way of flushing out the excess anxiety, I believe. I may be wrong though, so tell me if I am
But lets get back to the topic. Sheesh. I have a way of chasing my own tail. So I woke up with those worries again. Looked out the window at the clear blue sky. Sunny weather is such a lovely thing after 5 days of clouds and cold. I tried summoning up the avalanche of positive thoughts that overwhelmed me two days earlier ( causing me to have a great day in the process ) but it didn't come. Bummer! Got out of the bed and went about my boring routine. It went...ok. As good as it can during an anxious day. Took a stroll outside and realized my thoughts were a jumbled mess. Tried to focus on the present, but I didn't try very hard.
So I'm back home. My brother turns on his PC and plays wow, and I'm here, in my room, thinking "what to do....what to do?" There's plenty of things I can do, but I bet I won't get anything done tonight. Not what I planned, at least. These expectancies...they're humongous! I need to tone them down a bit. Tips would be extremely valued.