I am new to the group and wanted to share my background with anxiety/panic disorder and my current dilemma. Forgive the long postÖ
I started getting anxiety and panic attacks more than 20 years agoÖI have no idea what started it. I donít recall depression being a cause but maybe it was and I didnít realize it. I DO know that if I stop taking medication, I definitely get severe depression. I have been on Prozac and now Zoloft. I have also tried cognitive and behavioral therapy, and it helped, but only if I was constantly seeing a therapist for reinforcement. Without a therapist to reinforce these behaviors from time to time, I find it easy to slip back into bad thoughts, etc.
Anyway, the medication has been keeping me on an even keel when there is no major stressor. In other words, unless thereís some major event or change going on in my life, Iím OK day to day. However, whenever thereís a major stressor, my anxiety and panic attacks are strong than the medication. I am going through that right now.
After two consecutive job layoffs because of the economic downturn, I returned to my hometown to help my sister care for our mother who has Advancing Alzheimerís in addition to going to college full time so that I could complete my Associateís degree (Iím not young Ė I just went to college late in life). Now that Iíve graduated, itís time for me to try and get back to work full time, and I am freaking out for several reasons:
1. Iíve lost confidence in myself and my abilities.
2. I have never worked in my profession in the state that I currently live, and my job requires being an expert at certain state laws and regulations. While I am trying to get up to speed, Iím certainly no expert at this stage.
3. Somewhere deep down, Iím not sure that I enjoy what I do for a living.
My fear is getting fired. Iíve never been fired, and even if I suspected that it might be coming, I have always left a position first. This comes from a deep-seated fear of failure. I have no idea why. Maybe because I have always been self-supporting (I am a loner primarily because of anxiety disorder although I do have close friends) and know that there will be no one to support me if I canít.
So I guess Iím wondering if there are any of you who have been in a similar position. How have you gotten past getting fired and picking yourself up again? Or even beating the fear of job hunting when you have been out of work for awhile.
Thank you for your support and suggestions.