I don't know much about this forum. I registered minutes ago just because I want to share my problem with somebody and maybe find a solution with your help. I will try to be as detailed as necessary without making this too long to read.
It all started with my second girlfriend; we were together for 15 months. After like six months I began to get random moments of 'sickness'. I thought I was sick and maybe had the stomach flu because I felt nauseous and tired. After some days I felt better but the nauseous feeling came back a couple of times. Sometimes for days, sometimes for months.. I lost tons of weight and had no idea what was going on with me. The strange thing was that I felt more sick when I was with my girlfriend. When I got home I felt much better. I went on vacation with her for almost two weeks, and yes, I was sick for two weeks.. Finally I broke up with her, hoping that the sick feeling would go away and it did, after a veeeery long time which consisted of therapy and terrible depression. I felt so selfish for doing this to my ex.
Ever since then when I connected with another girl, I would get this sick feeling back once I knew that there was a possibility for us having a relationship. I have to admit that I fall in love with many girls, but this means that I also have to back out and hurt them eventually. I don't want to do this.. I know that I can't handle a relationship anymore but still I feel so happy when I connect with a girl untill things get serious. I feel such a bad person.
This sick feeling does not limit itself to relationship situations, I will give some examples:
A couple of months ago I went on vacation by myself to meet a group of people at some sort of camping holiday. All these people were there for the same thing, to meet new people. The first few days I felt sick, especially in the morning, but as the week progressed, this feeling faded away.
A couple of months ago I did some charity work for two weeks. Also here i felt sick in the beginning, but this faded away eventually.
The real problem with this nausea is that I can't eat in front of people because I'm afraid that I will throw up. And since enjoying a meal together is a very popular social activity, I have to avoid many situations where this happens.
Anyway, whenever there is a possibility of starting a relationship, I start to get anxious and feel very sick and I do not know why.
I have been struggling with this for 2 years now. This makes me terribly depressed.
I wrote this message now because I am again in a similar situation with a girl. I do not want to hurt her, that is why I come to you for advice.
Please let me know what you think of this.