I haven't posed here in a looooong time.
I'll try not to make this into a novel and just get to the point.
Sorry if this is extremely long and boring.
Anyway, about a month ago I quit Zoloft cold turkey because I was at a decent place in my life and I felt like I could successfully stop without going downhill and crashing back into my old, panicking self.
Everything was fine and I wasn't having many withdraw symptoms.
Well, recently, everything in my life has turned upside down. I had to move back to my home state with my parents because I am taking a "break" from my 2 year relationship [I lived with him], I had to quit my job, and leave behind a lot of friends. I was kind of in my comfort zone there. I was horribly depressed and things were kind of awful, but I was settled and was used to my environment. If that makes any sense..
After the break, I have slowly been growing more and more depressed. I haven't really cried or been mopey, but my anxiety is back 100% out of no where and I have also been lashing out at people and getting extremely irritated over nothing. Literally nothing. If my Mom says hi, I want to knock her out. Not really, but just trying to give an example.
I feel completely out of control and like I am going to lose my mind. Granted, I have had horrible anxiety before and Zoloft practically got rid of it 100%... but it feels awful.
I am trying to look for another job and hang out with friends, but I can't even leave the house. Once I go in public, bam, major anxiety. I only feel comfortable in my home. I still have anxiety and feel extremely jittery, even as I type this, but I can control it better inside my house.
I have also been this way before, but I feel like it is much, much worse this time. I literally cannot even get into a car without feeling detached and falling into a huge, never-ending panic attack.
I started taking Zoloft again, and I will probably never get off of it again, but I don't know how to help myself and it drives me insane and scares me. I need a job, but I cannot even go out and apply. I'm scared that I will never get better and that because of this intense stress, that I will permanently be this way and that I have damaged my mind forever.
I want to be able to go out and have fun and live again. Just the though of leaving my house and going to a store makes me literally tremble with fear because I fear having a panic attack with no escape.
I guess what I'm trying to get at is... has anyone else had panic attacks this bad and had success? I know I've been this way before, but I just feel even worse this time around. Maybe I just -think- it's worse because I haven't been like this in a few years.
Is anyone currently feeling like me and living the life of a hermit?
Also, I think it's even more hard because my mother keeps yelling at me every day to get a job. I'm 20, with little work experience unfortunately, so it's kind of hard to even find a job. When I tell her about how I feel she just says "that's life you have to get over it and get through it." She takes zoloft too for anxiety so I hoped she would have some sympathy.
Also, kind of switching topics, but when I am around friends I just feels completely detached and unreal. I am terrified that I am developing schizphrenia or something and I will enter a psychosis. I'm kind of obsessing over that.
Sorry for the long message-thingy. Just kinda desperate for advice/answers >_<
Hopefully this is the right area to post this.