If you live with someone who you have found out is probably dieing and you have mental illness you might be able to relate to this (I hope someone else is atleast). Living with and watching this person suffer is doing my head in, i cant look at them in the eyes anymore because it terrifies me and all i can think is , well you know what im thinking so i wont mention it as I dont need a panic attack again, but basically I read there eyes and think all kinds of terrifying thoughts till the point I cant look at them anymore. When I see them in short sleeves i obsess, omg there shrinking, there arms are looking so thin, and then panic panic panic. I look at there skin and think omg its so pale looking, ill touch there hand it feels so cold, there clothes will look baggy on them etc etc, I focus so strongly on every word they say and think there losing there mind and then start worrying about that and what might happen to them next, i think there repeating themselves all the time, there forgetting things etc, and then what will happen next, or they will walk up stairs and sound out of breath and i think omg, heart attack, stroke etc etc, i am absolutely obsessed on there health that my head is flipping out. I know obviously mental illness will make me think this way but its really hard to deal with. Then at times by accident ill look them in the eyes in a situation where its unvoidable and i quickly look the other way then think hang on, that time there eyes didnt look bad at all but then get scared to look again just in case. Omg this is truly horrible living each day this way, does anyone have this same problem? Not only can i not look at there eyes now, i cant look at any part of there body or I will immediately start to panic. This has been going on for months now, I worry about this so much that I dont even have enough time to worry about my own symptoms enough to panic about that because im panicing about this more then anything else. Anyway thats how this mental illness works, it doenst only make you panic about your own health, it makes you panic about other people and other things aswell and your main focus will be whats worrying you at the time the most until you find something thats more scarier (in my case theres nothing more scarier then this), after 10 years you have had lots of practice
Anyway, before I WOULD look at them and omg it was panic 24/7 so had to stop looking to be able to deal with it, which did and does help as I cant panic if I cant see it but thats not the answer to the problem but for now it will have to do.
Anyway, anyone having this obsessing about someone elses health to the point its killing you and driving you nuts?
P.S. Yes I understand my brain is completely screwed up so I dont need to be reminded about that, i just need to know if anyone else is having this problem and what did you do to help? Sometimes I try to deal with it and think its ok but this is just me trying to fool myself and cover it up, mentally I am completely a screwed up mess. The mental symptoms can be just as hard to deal with as the physical symptoms, actually maybe harder because mental symptoms can be scarier.
But is this all in my head? Am I seeing things that arent happening? I am obsessing about this persons health beyond ridiculous as seen above, but is this normal or just because I have mental illness?