I really thought I was getting better. I was getting out of the house everyday and my panic / anxiety was fading. I was getting so excited and was over joyed from these small gains.
Over the past week or so, I have been living with super anxiety, confusion, headaches, thinking that I am going insane, etc... I cannot focus on my work and all my personal and business relationships are going fast. I have upcoming appointments this week where all I have to do is get more information on a job and pick up a check. I am already thinking of excuses to not go meet with them. I will surely loose the work and the client(s) if I do not go to the meetings. I am really thinking about telling them I have agoraphobia and simply cannot get out of my house without having issues. This will surely cause a problem with one of my biggest accounts and will most likely get dropped.
I really thought I was making some huge strides. I was driving with out panicking, went grocery shopping ALONE for the first time in months and ran errands I havent ran in years. I started doing this from the confidence I got reading some great information from books I have read and re-read that explain everything that is going on. I did all of this either using NONE or on super low doses of Xanax (.25mg and .125mg) which I have been using as needed over the past 3 years.
I have tried seeing multiple therapists, and psychiatrists. All the therapists I have seen just want me to keep coming back for the money, offering no real help. The 2 psychiatrists I have seen just want to prescribe pills and thats it. They will not even listen to me.
I got so desperate for help, I even tried hypnotism....which was a joke.
I am against taking pills for 2 reasons:
1. I have a huge fear of the side effects, dependency issues and withdraw effects.
2. I do not want to mask the issues, but cure them naturally.
I am at a point where I think I am going to crack. Over the past week, I dont feel like me anymore. I feel like I am just going through the motions. Falling asleep at night is getting harder and harder. My mind just keeps racing and racing. Once I get to sleep, I normally sleep like a rock for 7 to 8 hours. Sleep is the only thing I look forward to.
I really dont not know what to do anymore. I am breaking slowly and it is killing me that I am not living my life.
Note - My newest fear is seizures from Xanax withdrawal. A lot of this new anxiety and panic comes from this. Like I said, I have been taking .25mg or .125mg off and on for 3 years, as needed. I still have this fear even though, 2 psychiatrists, 1 pharmacist and 2 general practitioners told me that I should be fine for my dose was not high enough and I never abused it.
Anybody have advice for what I am going through or how to break through these setbacks?