This is my first time writing to this forum - I guess I just need someone to talk to - Or maybe I just need to vent to those who may "get it".
Anxiety disorder is such a difficult thing to live with - Mostly because it rears its ugly head when you need to be the most on your game - It kicks you when you're down. I've suffered from it since I was 11.
My house was destroyed in Hurricane Sandy - My business suffered VERY badly as well - I'm trying to rebuild both. I was doing ok - When the storm cleared out and I was able to access the damage, I immediately went into this mode where all I did was count blessing instead of feeling sorry for my own circumstances. I focused on helping others. I ran a clothing drive, built a website to help connect contractors with homeowners effected, etc. Meanwhile, my home was inhabitable, condemned by FEMA, but I had no where to go - Housing was quickly rented up, and altho FEMA found me housing, it was 2 hours from my home and my biz. I opted to stay on the second floor - with no heat, no electric for months, no kitchen for 7 months, blah blah blah - Still I remained positive and was taken aback that panic had not set in - I was functioning - I was not sick - I was proactive instead.
4 months to the day later, I got in my car and I couldn't drive. I almost passed out at the wheel. I thought I was just exhausted - Next day, same thing. My panic disorder returned - only this time it was solely contained to driving - a symptom that never ever occurred before. I knew it was panic because this feeling of passing out was not happening anywhere else but in the car. I went to my therapist who told me I had PTSD from the storm. So far, so good...it was contained to driving - I was still functioning, rebuilding my home and my business. My bike became my new boyfriend :)
6 months into it, still not driving, I woke up horrible pain. EVERYWHERE. The joints in all my fingers were swollen as well - again, OVERNIGHT. I went to my GP. She told me point blank: It's either Rheumatoid Arthritis, Lymes, or Lupus. I panicked. A gazillion blood tests later, all negative, she said I had Fibromyalgia from the PTSD.
A month later, my hands, feet, left leg were continually tingling, falling asleep - then I developed Trigeminal Neuralgia - I wouldn't wish this on my worse enemy. Holy Pain Batman! Back to the doc....She now said to me: "Fibro doesn't do this to you - It's either MS or a brain tumor." So much for her bedside manner.
Needless to say, all my anxiety now is solely health based. I've waited over a month to get the MRI to confirm or rule out MS or the tumor. Yesterday I finally went for the tests. 10 minutes into it I had a total, meltdown, full-blown panic attack and they had to start the test over. They told me my doc would have the results tomorrow (Monday). I'm a mess....
I woke up in the middle of the night with my entire body feeling as though I'm being stung by bees - my entire body - the worse area is my face. Itchy, needle like pain - I'm so freaked out I can't even think....I didn't know what to do but to write here - Just hoping someone responds so I don't feel alone - I don't want to freak out my daughters so I didn't tell them.
Thanks for reading -