So I'm a 20 year old male college student. I've had anxiety since my senior year of high school, so probably about 2.5 years now and over that time it has just seemed to have gotten worse. I don't really remember how it started out, so it's hard for me to pinpoint any specific trigger. My deal with anxiety is that I have tons of physical symptoms and immediately I will panic. I'll try to tell myself, it's anxiety but then my mind voices in and says, "But what if this time it's not!" Then the panic really starts going. My creative imagination will think of every type of disease that it could be, heart attack, stroke, what if I've suddenly become diabetic and my blood sugar is out of whack? It's ridiculous and EXHAUSTING! I think it's pretty inherent with anxiety that I'm a worrier. I tend to worry about things that are out of my control, like dying for example. Being a worrier with anxiety, I've been to the doctor dozens of times for the physical symptoms, they've done blood tests, EKG, Upper GI, physical examinations. I'm perfectly healthy they always say. Low cholesterol, lower on the healthy end for blood pressure. And that's expected I'M ONLY 20 YEARS OLD! Still it's as if my subconscious is obsessed with the fact that there really is something wrong with me! I have a very clean lifestyle too, especially for a college student. I don't consume any caffeine, very healthy diet, workout 5-6 days a week, don't consume any soda or alcohol, don't use drugs, drink more than 8 glasses of water a day. So when I tell that to my doctors they are always dumbfounded that I'm having physical symptoms and that's when they say it's just anxiety.
Now I have nothing against people who use medication for anxiety, however that is just not for me. I hate and avoid taking medicine at all costs. With how healthy I am, I don't need medicine. Plus I know some people who take anxiety medicine and they said they don't like it and the way they feel if they don't have it. Ultimately I know my body and I have an iron will in a sense that I know I can beat this! I have read several anxiety books that, as I'm reading them, I feel much better and empowered, but that feeling only lasts as long as my eyes keep moving across the pages.
I'm writing this because my anxiety has come at me hard the past week and I just need to let myself be heard and receive feedback. Now I had a full doctor check-up literally days before coming back up to school, so I know that everything is good, but my subconscious would have you think otherwise. This past week I had some type of head cold, I felt super tired, felt feverish, dizzy, headache. So I just stayed in bed, slept, and drank lots of fluids. With anxiety though, I felt as if, "What if this is a brain tumor." I know it can't be a brain tumor! I was just checked out! I'm just sick with a cold! What's also been playing into it is that I'm urinating frequently. Now normal deduction is that I'm drinking a lot of water a day and have a small tank. My anxiety's evaluation is: "YOU HAVE DIABETES IF YOU DON'T GET IT TAKEN CARE OF YOU'RE GOING TO DIE!" Again I just had a full blood panel and everything with my blood is perfectly normal. Plus not a single member of my entire family has ever had any type of diabetes so I know that makes the risk much lower. The final thing is my body having physical pains. They are just like quick little jabs of pain, they mainly occur either in my chest (which makes me think heart attack) or in my lower back, but recently have happened in my gut, kidney area, feet, hands. Pretty much everywhere. All it is, is a quick little poke of pain. Like someone just pricked you, but under the skin. Of the books I've read I'm never heard people talk about having that with anxiety so it makes me anxious. Does anyone else get that?
I am just so scared and so sick of having to deal with this on a regular basis. I find myself having to fight this on a daily basis because even on days when I don't think about it and enjoying myself my subconscious will kick in and remind me of it with some type of symptom or worry! I am only 20, I should be enjoying every minute of college, not worrying and freaking out about feeling like I'm gonna die. It ruins my school work, my social life, and all attempts at starting a relationship! I feel like there is nothing more I can do! I just pray every night and hope to God I wake up the next day cured! Wouldn't that be a miracle! Please, I don't really know what I'm asking or saying you to respond with but I just want to feel like I'm not alone!