...I would say I would punch it but more than likely i'd just hide behind the couch and worry about it.
Hey there everyone, i'm a newbie. I hope I am in the right place to discuss this and if anyone could offer any advice I would be very appreciative.
I'm 22, male and living in sunny England. I have never been clinically diagnosed with GAD but I have done a lot of research into it. I guess I will give a little background info:
I've always been a bit of a worrier, ever since I was younger I would have these silly thoughts that would crush me with fear; leaving a sock at the top of the stairs I would think someone will fall on it and die. These kind of thoughts plagued me when I was younger however as I got older I "grew out of it" so to say, I still remained a little anxious but nothing I couldn't handle. However, the past few years I have become increasingly worried about everything, I am worried about being worried. Most of my worries are about my health and some are just things i've created myself; I will see a police car and will get anxious thinking i've done something wrong, I will have a missed call from "Unknown" and this will send me into a whirl of panic, I will panic about health issues like I said, I will see or feel something odd and will immediately think "Cancer" or "AIDS". I worry about pretty much everything.
The thing is though, to everyone else i'm a normal happy person but these thoughts I have and the constant worry has ruined these past few years, I feel sad, distracted, fearful all the time. It is like I cannot get out of my own head, like I think too much, like I am going crazy, the thoughts I have sometimes can even be so awful that I start to believe it will actually happen. I will obsess over something for months and make myself ill. I feel like I cannot escape, trapped, lonely.
I don't want to try medicine because the idea of that has become a fear as well now and in terms of therapy I am so worried and guilt-ridden by these thoughts that I could never share them with a stranger. I am sure I'm not the only one feeling this way but you know when you just accept that this is the way your life will always be? And we shouldn't have to accept these kinds of illness because it is not what defines me...even though right now it is the only thing that does.
I speak to my mother about these things and that helps but she is not always going to be around to pick me up and I feel like a burden sometimes, I don't want her to worry about me. Currently I am feeling a little anxious about whatever it is that has popped into my head, I am a little better than I used to be, 2011/2012 was a very bad few years, I was at the point of just sitting in my room in the dark and reading 0119/depression stories and wanting to just die so I didn't have to feel worried anymore.
I have hope that one day I will beat this thing, even though now I feel it is apart of me and will never leave. I guess I just wanted to share my thoughts, i'm so tired and feel so lonely, I wish I could get out of my head and I don't really mind if no-one is reading this, it is just nice to get it out.