Thank you so much for both your comments :)
Bamboo31, your questions are good ones and things I think of often.
I am an extremely independent woman, totally self-sufficient and never let my relationships define who I am. That's one good thing I can say. But it does appear as though I find these "wounded birds", people that could benefit from strength and the things I have accomplished in life. Maybe I'm afraid if I find someone as successful as me, I will feel inferior?
My current bf was very upfront and honest with me about things in the beginning. About his past, people in his life and why they were there, he let me know when people I disapproved of contacted him, etc. He did what he could to send these people on their way but I felt that once we got rid of one, there was always another waiting in the wings. He surrounds himself with lose aquaintences, no real friends. I am the opposite. So it was hard for me to understand why he needed all these for a lack of a better word "useless" people in his life. They weren't interested in his life, or contributing to it in any positive way, so why keep them I always thought? In fact, a handful of them were just toxic. There was openness on his end (I am a lot more closed off), but I found I used the things he would tell me and I would create an arguement. He would always say to me, I can't control what other people do, but I couldn't express my anger to them, they were not accessible to me. But he was. That in itself created a huge issue with us because he no longer shared things with me because he started to see it provided nothing positive to us. That's where I feel the real distrust started to seep in. I started to feel like he was hiding things from me.
I very well may be dating men I know I cannot trust, actually, I can honestly say at this point, it's pretty much a definite with some of them. They are the "risky" guys. The guys with a checkered past, the ones that work at bars, etc. The thing is, I don't know if I would do well with a "normal" person, whatever that really is, my past is slightly checkered as well. I enjoy people with imperfections because they are less judgemental and can accept me. I know I can be a lot to handle and they seem more equipped to do so.
So I guess my question to you is, how do you just 'let go'? How do you not want to analyze their every move, count how many minutes have passed since they've answered your text, patrolling social media sites to see what activity you can find, what girls they are talking to and why. It's become obsessive at times and I am not like this in any facet of my life other than my relationships. And this can apply to friends and family members as well. If my friend doesn't answer me back right away I start thinking of things I could have done that may have made her mad at me, things of that nature.
In the beginning, I don't think my bf had ever truly been in love so he never truly sacraficed things for his partner. He didn't really understand what was appropriate behavior and what wasn't when interacting with other people when you're in a relationship with someone else. I was the first person to ever challenge him on that. It took him a while but he did start to change, but in the end it wasn't good enough, or maybe it was too little too late?
Now, I can go ahead and leave him and move onto the next guy, but what for? I am only going to do the same thing with the next guy. How do you learn to let go of that need to be in control and to psycho-analyze every single facet of everything they do and give it meaning when most of the time, there was no meaning behind it at all?
My doctor has given me several exercises which have been very useful in helping my identify when I'm in an anxious state of mind, and I have been able to SOMETIMES mentally talk my way out of it.
So any little tips you have on how to let go and get yourself out of that frame of mind would be helpful