I wasn't planning on doing an introduction post but this site seems to really push it so I guess I'll make an introduction post.
I'm 22 years old, I like umbrellas and cupcakes and cuddling and playing piano. I have a lot of things I'd like to do, but get held down by my severe feelings of hopelessness and fear. A lot of times I just feel like I wish I could be safe in someone's arms and just cry and disappear. I know there has to be better ways of managing my anxiety so I can be more fun to be around. I'm sure I have a fun mixture of many of the disorders under the umbrella term "anxiety."
I had pretty severe OCD in 6th grade. It lasted for about a year. I overcame that, slowly. That was about a decade ago (god, I feel old!). I struggle with health anxiety and fears about the future. In a relationship, I worry that one day I won't be taken care of or that everything will change. There are some abandonment issues thrown in there for sure, as well. Recently, I've had a very hard time getting out of bed. I think about all of the things that make me sad and how weighed down I feel, and I can hardly get anything accomplished.
I don't really have any friends. Even though I'm a really friendly person who is easy to talk to, I have a hard time relating to many of the friends I've tried to have over the years. I don't do 0409 or going out to crazy parties. I'm more likely to be at home cuddling with a bear or my kitten, watching something on my laptop. Or at my piano, or going to a yoga class alone. I'm not a loner and don't like being alone, but I just don't relate well to most people.
I had some difficult times in my childhood and especially over the past few years. I like a lot of things about myself, but I also feel extremely confused and lost in the world. I'm afraid much of the time or cry randomly throughout the day.
I joined this site because I was hoping it would help me learn some ideas for how to take the edge off of my anxiety problems. Who knows, maybe it will even help me feel a little less lonely to read what others have to say about their struggles with anxiety. My ultimate goal in life is to love someone deeply and do everything I can for them, and I'm afraid my anxiety will hold me back from realizing that dream.
There's so much more to me (and my anxieties) than what I've written here but at least I'll get a "meaningful post" out of it, if nothing else. I'm not even sure if anyone will read this. :)