I am a thin person but I can feel several lymphnodes in my neck, one behind my right ear, and underneath my jaw I have large fairly soft (as in, not squishy, but not HARD, sort of firm but still soft and movable) glands or lymphnodes, I can't tell what they are. If they are lymphnodes, they are larger than all my other nodes, and they are sore from me poking at them too much. I know it's stupid. They actually feel like I can feel a chili bean-like node sort of next to them. I just don't know what they are. If I lean my head back, like way back, I can see them but I can't tell if it's just my anatomy or if they are abnormally large. I have always been able to feel lymphnodes all my life, I'm thin and I don't know if that contributes to it.
I don't google anymore and I'm sure if I did I'd find that I'm dying so I'm not doing that. On top of all this, I have a hard node of some kind in the space between my jaw and ear on the right side, it has been there a very long time and never ever worried me before my HA started, but lately I've been poking at it too and it causes earaches when I do. I'm so sore all over my neck, not a sore throat in a scratchy way, I feel tight and just... sore. I'm so AWARE of all my glands and swollen spots. And I feel like I have a bit of a bad taste in my mouth, nothing major and it's mostly on the right side. Plus, my right ear just aches, I feel like any breeze that blows past my ear I can feel all the way down in to my throat. I've also had a stiff neck, worse on my right, that hurts from my jaw all the way down below my shoulder blade, and into my arm. I do hold a ton of tension in my jaw, I may have some TMJ and I've been sleeping on a buckwheat pillow to help with that. I'm just miserable right now, I'm so weary of thinking about it all.
I wend to my GP last week, he felt my neck and didn't really say anything. He sent me for a neck xray, which I already had and he has not called me about the results. My neck is slightly curved towared the left, always has been. Maybe my anatomy isn't helping. And he recommended I see an ENT on Oct 10th, and I read the sheet and he wrote that it was a general visit and not an emergency. All of this should make me feel better but I am just so scared of the C word... I'm just panicking, I wish I could see him sooner. I just want him to feel my neck and tell me I'm ok.
I am stiff, and all my pain and 'feeling' is really on my right side in my neck and ear. I don't have night sweats, I'm not itchy, my weight and appetite are fine. I do have a sore stiff neck and tons of tension and an occasional weird taste in my mouth. Everything felt better when I went on this camping trip this weekend and slept outside, I would just kill to be back out at that farm feeling better. Somehow I'm just terrified, what if I have cancer. I feel so stupid. I'm just so worn down. I have my first therapy session three days before my ENT. I could just use some encouragement, anyone that is feeling what I am feeling. I'm just so tired I can't handle another panic attack and I'm stuck home alone tonight....