Hello everyone. I'm new to posting but i've read through plenty of posts on here.
I'll try and keep it as short as possible, but i REALLY REALLY need some insight on whether I have ROCD and should seek help or if I'm just falling out of love and i have no choice in the matter.
Let me start out by giving a bit of background; we've been together for 2 years. been best friends for 4 years (and when i say best friends i mean my best friend in the entire world). I've shown many signs of OCD in the past. I suffered from Trichotillomania really bad when i was in middle school but lied about it so i never got psychological help for it. SERIOUS anxiety all throughout high school and I was in therapy my sophomore year although I wasn't really ever diagnosed with anything. Always obsessed over friendships in high school too. I also ALWAYS have an obsession that takes up my entire life (I would have panic attacks about being afraid i'm pregnant, thought family members were dead when they didnt answer their phones, constantly checking things like the stove and my oven for fire). Have had HOCD thoughts in the past, but I can usually shake them off within 24 hours for some reason. However THIS is the one thing I cannot deal with on my own.
It all started 4 months ago when I was sleeping over his house. I had been feeling irritable and down in the dumps for several months due to some serious family issues that had been ongoing for about a year at this point. We went to go to bed and all of a sudden my eyes shot open and i thought "i don't want this". I shook it off for the time being and went to bed. The next day when I went to work, all hell broke loose. I spent the day sobbing. Inconsolable panic attack over the thought I didn't love him anymore. I had to leave early and this continued on. There are times when I feel COMPLETELY normal. and then I think about how i've been feeling and I go back to feeling disconnected. This is actually driving me INSANE and i'm so devastated.
When we spend a couple of nice days together, I feel SO good. Then it always comes back. Worse around when I'm getting my period.
I still enjoy cuddling (sometimes, sometimes it makes me anxious) but when it comes to sex i cant focus. Once we actually get into it, it's wonderful. So it's not like it's bad. I just get such anxiety over being intimate now.
I really think it's my OCD and Anxiety doing this. I really hope so.
I literally would've given anything for this boy before this. We had such a unique and wonderful relationship. We were the definition of best friends. So much chemistry, so much love. I really would give ANYTHING for that back. I just need to understand why this happened. I will never bring myself to break up with him, we did for 24 hours and I was actually heart broken. When we got back together the doubt returned.
I really just need relief.
Thank you so much in advance. If anymore information is needed I can give it, I just wanted to keep it as short as possible and it's still long.