I'm 26 and have had some issues for a while-- but just recently realized it may be an anxiety disorder. For a while, I really didn't think I was out of the norm (just insecure), but recently it's gotten worse. I also have realized that the thoughts I am having are not normal and once I began reading different posts on this website-- I could relate to all the thoughts people have described.
Most of my anxiety occurs with my best friend (although we have a more intense history and I view her more like a girlfriend and i'm in love with her... but that's a whole different issue).
If she doesn't text me back within 2 hours, I automatically start to think she is mad at me, avoiding me, etc. Even though she is just busy at work! It's ridiculous when I think about how I get now... Like she has a job and i'm not her first priority at work... yet when I get into these mindsets I do not see it rationally at all.
On days that she seems a little cold, I automatically think I have done something and she is mad at me. Sometimes I try to ignore the thoughts, and other times I make it worse by texting her and asking her if she is ok, or if she is mad at me, or what's wrong. And nothing was wrong but I make up these situations in my head and then I start to freak out and I get all worked up and suddenly I can't hold my thoughts in my head and I have to ask her what's wrong.
And then she DOES get mad at me because I'm asking her. I've done this to her so many times... i'm surprised she still puts up with me. IDK for some reason today it just hit me. And I thought, if I had someone, And a friend at that, freak out on me all the time by asking if I was mad at them or ok, I would be so annoyed by them and not want to talk to them. And I also really have no need to get so upset or worried considering she is just my friend. I just feel bad for what I put her through.
For a little while, I was doing well. I just told myself that if she does seem upset or mad at me... then she will get over it and everything will be ok. It's her problem and I can't fix it. Because as many times as I have thought she was "mad" at me before and tried to fix it, she always comes back around and everything is ok. I was doing pretty well with this mindset for 2 weeks, but then Friday I lost it again.
I also spoke to this recently because it just hit me for some reason how frustrating it must be for her to deal with me. And I also just like hit a wall of being tired of working myself up so much. I actually had a head ache by the end of the day yesterday.
And the thing is, when I'm with my friends I'm okay. I don't really have any irrational thoughts. Although, sometimes I will try to read my one friends mood too much. IDK this one friend has been through a lot of stuff in the past year, and sometimes I feel like I need to protect her/make sure she is ok...and sometimes I think I'm so focused on making sure she is okay that I read into things too much. I guess she is the most important relationship to me so i'm constantly concerned for her happiness, and I'm constantly worried I'm going to lose her somehow.
And this isn't just with her, I also have anxiety with other friends. I just don't express my anxiety with them. I guess I feel comfortable enough doing it with her and I love her. But One day I was meeting my friend for lunch and she didn't answer my call. My immediate thought was that she was blowing me off-- what do you know, 5 seconds later she called me back. I'm just so insecure and always think that people are mad at me or are avoiding me. I assume the worse in every situation.
My Mom also has a history with anxiety. I also have had an eating disorder in the past (and I know that's insecurity related). I know that I would have to see a Dr. to get diagnosed, but basically this is a new concept to me and i'm just tired of feeling so emotionally drained by working myself up for nothing. I get so emotional and upset over NOTHING. And then I actually make a problem by reacting to my emotions. And then when I look back on it, I can see how ridiculous I was being, but in the moment it all seemed real.
It's like if I don't hear back from people right away, I usually start assuming there is a REASON they haven't responded to me yet. It can't just be that they're busy or not near their phone. I just start making up all these reasons as to why they aren't responding. Maybe they're mad at me, maybe's it's something I did, maybe they don't want to see me.
Sometimes I can rationalize with myself when I have these thoughts and tell myself to chill out, but there are other times when it's like there is no stopping me.