From depression to anxiety, to both at the same time, to HORRIBLE TMJ symptoms, facial nerve symptoms to diagnosing myself with the worst..to now getting a ct scan and I am unable to eat or function
due to my jaw spasming..I think to myself...what a wonderful world....no jk..def not that..lol..(sorry sometimes humor helps) I think to myself, is this ALL FROM GAD?!!!
Help! I feel like I am going deeper into the tunnel and I don't know what to do anymore.
Taking clonazepam everyday, doc wanted me on celexa, but now amitriptyline 10mg for pain (so no more celexa? got to love how vague docs can be these days)..couldn't see my "crisis counsellor" cause it hurts too much to talk!! Yes TALK. (Only fellow tmjers would get this)
I have to say this right now, before I implode. I hate my life. (and its terrible to say and I feel IMMENSE GUILT for saying it) but at this time I feel like
it's been going on since I was born and my life sucks because of it. (deep rooted anxiety/shyness/insecurity) quit every job because of it, have no friends, push them all away,no confidence for college and now no money...and another thing, I hate worrying constantly about every disease out there. There is never an end to it and I don't know what the root is, as to why I do that? I have some symptoms of the single worst disease known to mankind..seriously..of course I do..lol..why wouldn't I..this anxiety never ends..
I LOVE MY FAMILY. but I can't be a great mom when I am like this. I would do anything to make my girls happy!! and so I pretend to be o.k, smile though it hurts...on good days, make sure
we get out and do fun things..but inside I am not o.k...and I WANT TO BE O.K..so they can be o.k.
This is not fair.
I feel like I have done everything short of anti depressants to overcome this crap and frankly, well it doesn't work. Sure your life may seem manageable and even good for awhile, until the stress starts
to build and before you know it you're in a tail spin..Clearly I could use CBT. I know of all the therapies (I think) and I have an idea what would work (a brain transplant) but I feel too tired and too
confused to know where to begin..and a big add on to this lovely mess is my TMJ which is chronic pain, proven to cause depression, and is basically incurable.
Seriously, I'm 34 and wondering, when do I get to be happy? Maybe fellow mothers understand (or maybe not) but when you can't partake in the simple joy that is raising your kids (I can't even laugh or smile due to pain) you wonder why me? why them? I hurts me more than the physical pain on any given pain scale of 10 day, to not be able to be the mother and woman I deserve to be for their health, and their benefit!
I will end this now..I guess I just needed to say it, since I can't actually say it out loud..
Maybe tomorrow will be better....and I guess the fact is, I do love life, I just want better! I have dreams like everyone else, but such big limitations..and my dreams aren't even that big LOL..just want peace..
p.s..I see all you writing your symptoms, and trust me, it's all anxiety, every last stinking one of them. ANXIETY.
Well what can I say, be well everyone..if you are young and reading this, do yourself a favor right now..CBT, walk, exercise every day, take care of your body and try to relax..thats about the best advice I can give you.