I have been under extreme stress since at least last November, but overall since moving to Canada almost 3 years ago. (I'm being bullied and controlled by in laws etc.) I finally had a nervous breakdown and went to the hospital and they gave me a seroquel but it was too strong. I had some health scares that really put my mind in overdrive (for three straight weeks) and a lot of distorted thinking, panic attacks, constant worry, insomnia and bad dreams and so on.
Then last week I had a couple of instances where I had forgotten a couple of things we'd done, like when we went to the store. I forgot we'd already gone that day (but I had stayed in the car and was involved in a discussion with my daughter and my hubby went in so I was probably just very distracted and I didn't see the groceries since he put them in behind me so I guess I never "connected" having gone. But then after a moment of thinking I DID remember we went and the whole conversation with my daughter in the car. It happened again when I had turned on the car for my hubby who was putting my child in the car seat. I usually do this and I did it absent mindedly I guess because he asked, "Did I turn on the car?" And I was like, he's asking me if HE turned it on, did he turn it on? I don't remember doing it... it took me a minute then I remembered that I had done it.
I have been really ruminating on this now and panicking that I think I have mad cow. Of course I could have a number of other neurological or brain problems, but THIS ONE is the one my brain has decided that is the "winner" of the "what's wrong with me" question of the week. I have been focusing on it and worrying constantly.
I saw a psychiatrist today and mentioned the stuff to her and she was like, well you remembered it and it only happened a couple of times, that can happen to anyone. She was not concerned. My old therapist who has been keeping up with me on the phone also said he'd not worried, so I need to stop focusing on it or it will make me miserable. It's distorted thinking as well, he said. I have been having a lot of distorted and weird thoughts and "sensations" that go with the thoughts, making me feel like the thoughts are "real-er" than reality. Weird, eh? My doctor says he's heard it all, and not to worry.
Thing is, the past year or so I have also had other stuff like where once I felt kinda confused, I have trouble finding the correct words (that's been going on for years now though), when I type sometimes I transpose my letters or use the wrong word (also been going on for a couple of years at least), and I have just become sloppy with my writing. I can't focus as well. I feel more like attention deficit and used to be able to focus on things much better. Part of it may be from being online way too much. My brain gets easily overstimulated (like when I play a game too long, I "see" the image of the game when I'm not playing it -- the "Tetris Effect").
Has anyone had this happen, or been afraid of mad cow? I am going to see a neurologist just because I do have brain fog and search for my words and use the wrong word sometimes etc. but those are all things that can also be caused by anxiety. I'm sure all of you have experienced it at some point. And memory stuff, I'm usually ok with remember what I did that day or a few minutes previous so being ultra distracted to that point is weird to me. My hubby today told me that when we passed an A&W restaurant he actually thought, "I don't remember there being an A&W out here", so it's not like it's just me I guess. Maybe this stuff happens to people more often and just don't talk about it.
Right now I'm ruminating, on that runaway train of thoughts our of control, thinking the worst and wanting to throw up because of the inability to stop obsessing about it. I keep trying to resist the urge to read about mad cow or call the prion center because I'm getting myself in such a bad mental state over it and I know if I keep going this way I will end up at the hospital again.
I'm in Canada and I know that mad cow is extremely rare (and when the big deal about it was happening I actually stopped eating beef for at least a couple of years though I went back to it later.)
There's also a lot of other things that could cause memory disturbances like this, one of which is extreme anxiety (I mean I have had it to the point of crying all day and shaking and taking xanax and sleeping for relief. Total breakdown.)
I have JUST started Celexa, 10 mgs. Took my first dose a half hour ago. Don't know what to expect. Worried about it, too. Worried about everything. How much worry can one mind handle?
Someone have a kind word for me? Please?