First of all, I want to let you all know - it gets better. I read a few of the titles of the posts on this forum, and I remember when I was like that. Anxiety has been with me all of my life, but it got really bad three years ago. For all of 2010, I had panic attacks, anxiety, depression, derealization, all of it. It was pure hell, and I was scared or sad almost every moment of every day. I tried to talk it out, use CBT, deep breathing, ran, but none of it worked more than temporarily. It ebbed and flowed for me the next two years, but I've finally I've seen the light - mostly.
I got on antidepressants about 4 months ago. Instantly when I did, I felt stronger. I could more easily handle the lows and bring myself out of it more easily. Now, I read blogs, do yoga, drink tea, meditate. I have a whole routine I do nearly every day to compliment the antidepressants and keep me calm, and I feel worlds better. The shroud lifts, and you get some mental peace and quiet. As someone who has suffered for so long, it was an incredible feeling. Because it's mental, it takes a long time to fully heal, so I still have anxieties that won't go away, and they're pretty obnoxious. But now I have my life back. I feel like I have purpose and direction, and I know you can too.
(I'm not saying antidepressants are always the answer, but I'm just saying that they are what's helping me overcome.)
When I was really low last winter, I came to this forum and looked for encouraging posts like this one, for people that could provide some respite from the incessant dark thoughts and sadness. Well here I am, trying to give back, because I've made it. Your life is not over. Believe me, when you get better and you practice acceptance of what happened, you can go on and live a perfectly happy life. I'm living proof.
If anyone has questions, I'll try my best to answer them. Sending all of my love to you guys - hang in there. I know exactly how you feel. Just keep going and take care of yourselves.