Hi. New here, but am trying to find someplace that I can express myself without any fallback. I am a 44 yr old married mother of three adult children. I have been put on Xanax and Buspar to help with my anxiety. There are days that I feel fine, but today is not one of them.
My two boys are in the military. I am proud of them, but worry about them every day. One is overseas and it kills me every day to know that he is there. I can't control his environment and worry that something is going to happen to him.
I had a wonderful mother-in-law who lost her battle to cancer a few years back. I had to be the strong one for my family at that time (my children were pretty young). My husband fell apart after losing his mother. I was the only person working to support our family. I was okay with it at the time - but became resentful of my husband. He was in a deep depression and it took many years for him to pull himself out of the hole that he moved into. He now works (after being unemployed for 12 years) and is helping to pull us out of the debt that I got in while trying to take care of all the bills and three children on one income (no welfare-nothing against it-just made too much money in Texas.).
Now, my mother's breast cancer has returned and it has spread to her lungs, her abdomen, and the latest was the brain and spinal cord. I am falling apart. I am the one that they expect to be strong and take care of the arrangements that need to be made to get things in order. I don't have time to be sad. My husband is having a hard time dealing with my mom's illness. I don't have anywhere to turn any more. I feel like if I tell him anything - that he will fall back into that hole. To keep himself busy, he plays music - which is great, but he has decided to spend an extreme amount of money to make his "recording studio". This in turn is killing the advances that we have made to pay off our debt. I'm dying inside. I can feel myself working until the day that I die-which some days don't seem too far away.....because I worry about the bills, our kids, my mom, my dad, and so many other things. I can't even think straight any more.
I feel myself drifting into a dark place. Unhappy. Sad. I can't talk to anyone....