>>>I do have another question for you. Do you share these feelings with those closest to you? When I'm feeling really bad, I tend to pull away from my greatest supporters. I feel like it is too much of a burden.
>>>Do you share these feelings with those closest to you?
I did, when I wasn't on the proper dosage of medication.
For me, my anxiety disorder, when triggered, makes me feel desparate, suicidal, agorophobic and just basically nonfunctional. Even if I approach others for help, I still feel desparate, although intellectually I know things are not as bad as I believe. So no matter how many people I talk too, the feeling of desperation never dies.
However, please know this is a forum, and we are all here to discuss what's apppropriate for ourselves, and not to direct you on what is appropriate for you. So if you need to approach someone, please do, and also consult with your therapist.
I've been through a lot of therapy - over a decade - which includes CBT, talk therapy, and several alternative therapies. Since I've put a lot of time in therapy, I came to the conclusion I had healed myself from the need for any type of medication.
Unfortunately I realized, as backed up by the American Psychological Association who have been researching anxiety disorders much longer than I've been alive, anxiety disorders can never be fully cured. Anxiety disorders are related to how the brain developed improperly on how it managed stress, and no therapy can alter a damaged brain, although some therapies can alleviate the effects of how the brain reacts with changes in cognitive thinking, or with how the brain interacts with different parts of the body.
Some people on this forum may argue with my case, that anxiety disorders can be cured, and they are free to disagree, but based on my experience, I have come to the realization that my anxiety disorder will always be a part of me, and I just have to accept this.
So when I get desparate, or suicidal, I accept the feeling, but I don't try to rationalize it anymore. I don't blame my childhood for why I feel this way, since I've put enough time in therapy to analayze why my chilidhood impacted me the way it did.
I basically let the medication do the work, and allow it to ease how my brain is reacting to stress. Once my brain calms down, I may do a few written exercies in finding ways to improve how I feel, but I don't over work it anymore, intellectually because I think the medication (if it's the right combination for my body chemistry) should calm down the anxiety.
This method, of course, is how I now deal with my anxiety disorder. I am all for therapy, and I think others should continue to pursue it, especially if you have sucidal ideations.
I just feel we should be in therapy for a certain time period; however, if we continue to be in therapy for years and years and years, regardless of how much talk therapy/body work/ cognitive thinking/new age philosophy we engage in, our feelings of despair will probably be more of a biological problem on how our brain reacts to stressful thoughts, and less so a correction in how we direct our thinking.
Of course, get other opinions on how you should approach your feelings of desparation. If you continue to have them, even after being in therapy for a while, definitely talk to your therapist about methods of distraction, or changes in medication, so you don't have them.