I am a 22 year old female. I have struggled with depression, ADHD, and anxiety frequently throughout my life. Yet, over the past few months, I have developed anxiety and feelings of terror that I cannot explain and it is starting to really scare me.
I have never anxiety this intense before. In the past it was usually temporary, and came with stress and worry or could be explained by the situation I was in. Recently these unexplained feelings of panic and fear have been creeping back in almost every day. When the anxiety feelings come, I take a step back, see if they deserve any merit, which they usually don't, then try my best just brush it off and accept that they are temporary and get on with my life. Yet the fear doesn't stay away for long, and when it returns, it seems to get worse. And as much as I talk about it with friends, family, my therapist and psychiatrist, nothing seems to make them stop.
I'm not sad, depressed or worried about a specific instance, instead I am constantly worried that something is terribly wrong with me. I have had periodic panic attacks in the past. But this is different. It is a familiar terror and panic associated with panic attacks, except now it lingers, is much constant, and doesn't fade away. I can logically understand that I am ok. That I am not dying, having a stroke, contracted HIV or the numerous other health issues I have convinced myself I may have. But over the past few months I give these negative thoughts about my health too much merit and my subconscious keeps reminding me of all of these far fetched medical possibilities.
I can't stand feeling like this. I am young, generally happy, bubbly and positive, but this is really starting to take a toll on me. It has become so debilitating. I don't like leaving my apartment anymore, or doing the things I normally love because I am afraid all the time. Sometimes I wake up in the night feeling dizzy, with waves of vertigo, which sends me into pure panic mode. The only thing that makes it stop is going back to sleep, which takes hours. Lately I just feel "off". I sometimes feel like I am moving slower, or like a have a loss of control. My friends keep telling me I look like I have lost weight, but I hate hearing that because I haven't been trying to and rarely ever work out, which makes me think it's health related. I am prescribed Xanax and will take it when it gets really bad, but it only takes the edge off, and it is too temporary. I am seeing my shrink tomorrow, but I haven't been to the my general doctor in a year, and plan to go get every test he will give me in a few weeks, just to get some reassurance and hopefully quiet my the fear in my head.
But in the meantime, I just need someone to tell me I am ok. That I'm not losing it. That I'm probably not going to drop dead at any given moment. That I will in fact wake up tomorrow. That I don't have a giant tumor growing in my head. Or a clot headed to my heart. How do I make this stop? Please. I feel so alone. I'm terrified these feelings will get worse and last forever. I just want this to go away. I want to feel normal again.