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Author Topic: So tough to get over this...  (Read 918 times)

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Offline volante

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So tough to get over this...
« on: September 12, 2013, 04:20:06 PM »
Hi,

Been struggling for a long time with depression, panic attacks, anxiety and phobia's.

I feel as though i'm 'in Limbo', just can't move on...

My Mum and Dad are both in their late Sixties, we have always got on great.

They have had lot's of problems with my younger Sister who is a single Mum and an Alcoholic, her little Boy is seven, He's a lovely little Boy and I think the world of him. My Sister's drinking got so bad my Mum  had to take her Boy as she was not capable of looking after herself, let alone a little child.

The problem went on for years and my Mum and Dad argued all the time with the stress and strain of it all.

This then caused my Father to attack my Mother, he stabbed her Five times with a large kitchen Knife, miraculously she survived. He then went to Jail for attempted murder.

Apparently, the police Doctor said he had some kind of breakdown and snapped.

I moved away from my Birthplace (London UK ) to live up North, all my family are still in London, I don't see them much.

My hole family is now ruined, Dad saw to that. I miss my Dad...But I love him and hate him??? He doesn't call me and I don't call Him. When I do visit London to see my Mum He practically acts as if I don't exist..???  Who's in the wrong here?????

Dad now lives alone in another part of the City....

He's getting old now...you only have one Dad right....But I can forgive him for trying to murder my mom...

I feel so lonely, my Wife hasn't a clue really, I tell her but.......oh well...

I have never felt so alone..........
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Offline mta214

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Re: So tough to get over this...
« Reply #1 on: September 15, 2013, 10:45:01 PM »
Wow!!  That's awful.  Have  you sought counseling?  I'm so very sorry that you're dealing with this!
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Offline volante

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Re: So tough to get over this...
« Reply #2 on: September 16, 2013, 01:58:30 AM »
Hi,

So glad you replied,Thank you.
I tried counselling for a while, did'nt really help much though.
Just feel so low lately, very alone.
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Offline mta214

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Re: So tough to get over this...
« Reply #3 on: September 16, 2013, 02:45:17 PM »
Maybe the reason the counseling didn't work is because the counselor wasn't a good fit for you.  Maybe seek out someone who has lots of experience treating people with PTSD.  This is too big of an issue for you to try and tackle on your own.
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Offline volante

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Re: So tough to get over this...
« Reply #4 on: September 16, 2013, 03:40:33 PM »
Hi Mta,

again, Thank you for replying.

This happened Four years ago, but feels like yesterday, it never goes away. I had a complete mental breakdown before this happened and this has put me back to square one, the breakdown was due to other issues. I lost the power of speech  during the breakdown, I just stuttered and twitched, also walked around in a dream like a zombie. My depression comes over me in waves as does the constant bouts of anxiety, it really is hopeless, I'm a broken Man :(

To be honest, I don't have much faith in shrinks or tablets, tried so many, people just talk and tablets make me drowsy. What else is there but friends and family.

Truth is, you have been more understanding than my own Wife, bless her she ain't got a clue, I don't blame her, I'm just very lonely and low :(
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Offline mta214

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Re: So tough to get over this...
« Reply #5 on: September 16, 2013, 10:48:00 PM »
Yeah, I hear us.  I'm lonely and depressed tonight too.  Actually, not just tonight. :(
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Offline volante

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Re: So tough to get over this...
« Reply #6 on: September 16, 2013, 11:36:57 PM »
Hi Mta,

Sorry your feeling depressed too, tell  me why? What's wrong?
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Offline mta214

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Re: So tough to get over this...
« Reply #7 on: September 17, 2013, 10:39:28 AM »
Long story.  Bottom line is that my life is not at all how I want it to be, and although I'm taking steps to make changes, no good changes are happening.  But, I don't really allow myself to dwell on it much. This too shall pass.  All I can do is try to persevere.  It's difficult right now, and I'm taking things minute by minute, as that's the only way to get through things for the time being.
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Offline Grandma65

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Re: So tough to get over this...
« Reply #8 on: September 17, 2013, 12:24:31 PM »
mta214 - when you say that people only talk and tablets make you drowsy, I think that you haven't found the right person or been prescribed the right medication.  It's not one size fits all, and sometimes takes a while to find the right one for each of us.  I urge you to keep searching. Many of us have found some respite from our demons through counseling and medication.


Regarding the crime your father committed, I can relate.  My situation is different than yours, but it has caused more confusion and conflicting emotion than I could have imagined I could feel.  My 21 year old grandson recently went to prison for murder.  He will be there for the rest of his life.  I am so furious and disgusted by what he has done - the details are horrific - but I still love him with all my heart and will visit him for the rest of my life, even though sometimes I am so angry that I want to forsake him.
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Offline volante

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Re: So tough to get over this...
« Reply #9 on: September 18, 2013, 05:31:17 PM »
Hi
 Grandma,

That's terrible, i'm so sorry to hear that. It must be tough for you to visit, but all the same, he's your flesh and blood so you would go, I understand.


In my case, I didn't visit my Dad, missed him like hell but couldn't look at his face. Wouldn't know what to do hug him or hit him???? My emotions have been all over the place from the first day he hurt my Mom.

I also changed my surname by Deed pole shortly after the attack out of pure disgust. Apparently, he's now 'upset' because of this and say's iv'e turned my back on the family!

As I said earlier, I don't see my Mom much as she lives in London, but when I talk to her on the phone she say's I spoke with your Father and he never mentions you....and to think...I'm his only Son..what a great Dad!!!
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Offline Grandma65

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Re: So tough to get over this...
« Reply #10 on: September 18, 2013, 11:55:19 PM »
volante - I just realized that I addressed my post to the wrong person - I'm sorry. 

I just came home from my first visit to my grandson since he was arrested.  It was hard.  Thank you for your kind words.

Hopefully with time we - you and I - will find some peace in dealing with these terrible happenings.
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Offline volante

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Re: So tough to get over this...
« Reply #11 on: September 19, 2013, 01:23:14 AM »
Hi Grandma,

God I hope so, don't know how though? Just wish there was light at the end of the tunnel  :(

Hope you can find some peace in the future too.

Best wishes,
  Gian.
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Offline tjab

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Re: So tough to get over this...
« Reply #12 on: October 27, 2013, 10:38:00 PM »
I don't know if this will help you or not, but when I was really struggling with feelings of isolation, guilt, depression, etc. I tried to remove myself from the situation by writing what had happened down almost like it was a story being told to me by someone else. Instead of being a participant, I was just a listener.  Then I tried to ask myself, if someone told me my own story, what advice would I give that person.  It's a lot easier to offer compassion to someone else and be objective from the outside than it is to do so for yourself.  This may do nothing for you, but I hope it helps.
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Offline volante

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Re: So tough to get over this...
« Reply #13 on: December 06, 2013, 12:03:38 PM »
Hi,
   Thanks for the kind words.
      I have written a kind of diary going back Ten years,its on my website.

                Thanks again.
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Offline NCstate95

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Re: So tough to get over this...
« Reply #14 on: January 08, 2014, 12:08:07 AM »
Hi Volante!

I'm sorry for your troubles :(

But it sounds like depression for sure.  If you ever need someone to chat with I'm new and wouldn't mind talking out our problems.

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