My name is Brandon. I'm 26 and living in northern Utah. And I'm an epileptic.
Thanks to Trileptal, I've been siezure-free for almost a decade. I recently got married about a month and a half ago. I'm currently looking for a better job - one that will allow me more financial flexibility and enable me to better provide for my wife and my self.
I tell you this because I don't know exactly what is triggering my recent anxiety. I don't know if it's a combination of factors or one thing in particular.
In the months leading to my wedding, I began to have what I believe were small anxiety attacks. The kind where I just needed to get out of my car or my apartment and walk around a little. I would suddenly feel overwhelmed and rushed (as if my heart was beating fast, but my pulse remained pretty much normal), unable to focus, and worried. They tended to be more prevalent when I would be tired or hungry. Just to clarify, lack of proper nutrition or sleep in an epileptic can lead to a siezure. I have recently seen my mother, who had been siezure free for decades, have a few siezures again due to stress, lack of food, and lack of sleep. I do believe that coming off of a certain medication (I don't know which one) may have played a roll as well.
On the eve of my wedding, I went to the ER for what felt like a very major panic attack. It was all of the previous symptoms magnified, plus vomiting. I was terrified. I couldn't eat anything that day. I felt out of control, nervous, scared that I was going to have a siezure. Over a week-long honeymoon, the symptoms subsided. I couldn't drive the car we rented (quite a shame - they upgraded us to a new Camaro) for more than a few minutes.
Now, I haven't been sleeping well for weeks up until this last week, when I began taking OTC sleep-aids at night. I would wake up sick in the morning and this would kick off the fear of that sickness making me weak enough to have a siezure during the day. This past week has been better now that I've been sleeping, but I live each day with the fear that I may have another siezure.
Keep in mind, I take my medicine regularly, exactly as I'm supposed to. But I believe that I'm associating things that may lead to a siezure with the idea that I WILL have a siezure - that this anxiety is pushing me to unreasonably worry about myself.
Before I was married, I was able to stay up until midnight and wake up at 8am with no worries. Now, I'm unable to stay up past 9 (I feel that this is a combination of poor sleep at night and anxiety in the day). I now wake up at 7am because my wife leaves for work at 7:30am. Even though I'm getting more sleep, I still worry about my sleep - a problem that I've never had before. The point is that this anxiety has disrupted my daily routine and has me worrying about something that, logically, I shouldn't be worrying about (like I said - no siezures in nearly a decade on this medication).
I'm sorry for the rambling, the long story and such. My current day-to-day symptoms involve this general anxiety about siezures, coupled with the anxiety about the anxiety. I feel stressed, no longer relaxed. Sometimes nauseated. Just overall in a constant state of worry.
I hope that some of you may be able to share your insights with me. Thank you in advance. If you have any questions, feel free to ask.
Also, I can be very forgetful. Sometimes I'll struggle to remember if I took my medication or not. I don't know if that should be attributed to anxiety or sleep deprivation. I've always been a little forgetful, but it has been worse recently.